I first came across Steven George’s writings in his book Heartless. I was immensely impressed at his determination to get his story out there, as the book was typed, printed, bound and published by him. For a brief summary of his books and life see my post .
Who better to write an article on understanding grooming than Steven?
Abused by foster father MP Ralph Bonner Pink 1912-1984 and Marguerite (Rita) Nora Banner Pink, illegally locked away in Rampton and Broadmoor and abused by Savile. But there was much much more. I recommend his book.
Steven is to leave social media in the next few days. His facebook is Steven George . The happy outlook, spirit and humour of this courageous man, despite all that life has thrown at him, will be missed and social media the poorer without him.
He is being forced to leave to protect himself and his friend from harrassment, false accusations, charges and prosecution from the Police and total unjustness from the Crowns Justice System. I will be blogging on the details of the circumstances soon, but unfortunately not before he leaves social media. The targetting of Steven and his friend, appear to be designed to cover up child abuse networks around Portsmouth. Any further information on these would of course be welcomed.
I leave you with Steven’s article
UNDERSTANDING GROOMING BY STEVEN GEORGE
In the light of a number of recent press stories, and of Rotherham, and Rochdale, understanding grooming, is something that all of us who want to protect children should perhaps, be doing.
However the almost “Script” like methods we can see, and hear about from victims,has been tailored also to suit the age of victims, and the type of offender. Frequently, “Experts” dont perceive grooming, and in court cases, often blame the victims for returning to visit, or see again an abuser, with no understanding of the power wielded, through grooming, or by the use, of straightforward threat.
I have experienced grooming, from what is often thought to be, the most common of all perpetrators, within family, incestuous.
For me it took the form of a game in which I was told to not remove a male hand from my leg, but to encourage , that he move his hand further.This was in the form of a life lesson, on sexual protocols, and being aimed at the very young, it began aged about 4 years old.
The use of the threat that you will not be believed, was tacit, as I was being told all the time, that I was a liar, from an early age, and at home and school, this was being proven, by adult reactions, therefore, I was quickly learning , no one was either going to care or listen to me.
I now understand, that this falls into a well known pattern.
Perpetrators, use threat of Social Services, taking a child away, or Police as a control method, simply distorting in the childs mind their wrong, into the child taking ownership of the” Wrong”, and by this, creating a false belief, within their victim, that “they”, will be the one to receive punishment, for this “Wrong”, not themselves.
A physical response on a child”s body, to sexual touches, is also exploited, into “You enjoyed it, you wanted it”, once more the victim feels powerless , and accepts the abuse as their own fault.
The violence and sheer physical punishment inflicted on some victims, is in itself, a form of grooming, as we see in Rotherham, for instance, girls there began liasons, thinking themselves the lucky girlfriends, of men who could provide a change to dull lives.
It was not luck that made these men choose these girls, but a mixture of nievity, and vulnerability, drink made them easy to control, and tobacco,a lure.many of those young girls did fall prey early on, and wanted it to stop, but fear already had them, after just one rape, it was possible to threaten family, to control them, following up with a punch, to drive home those controls.
I have read so many people, remark, “Why did they go back for more”, fear is a powerful tool, for some there would have been a “Stockholm” like response, a disbelief of the awfulness of it all.
Such young girls without the wisdom that comes with maturity, would have found themselves thinking, “Did he really do that”? “It wont be like that again, next time he will be nicer”, or I was drunk I cant remember, so I must have asked for it, its my fault,”or “he wont tell my Mum really.”
For those threatened with greater violence still, many will have shut down inside, and considered that it cant get worse than this, and put up with it, and each and every time thinking it was the last time.
You have to remember, there are every kind of perpetrators, in this field, from the man who fancies his daughter, and acts upon it, to the hids in the bushes snatcher, whose favourites are tiny children, and the sickest of them all, baby molesters.
Jimmy Savile was by all accounts unusual, in the cold light of day, he wanted young girls , both of age, and under age, but he tried boys, and women too. He is reported to have assaulted adult men too, though this surprises me, as most adult men, would be able to physically repel him, but a surprise attack, might leave one so stunned, as to render repelling impossible.
In his case, I think, he was so sexually adventurous if you like, that he would try anything, and I think for him, it was the reaction, and the hurt, that he caused, he also enjoyed.
His attacks on those unable through disability to stop him, were power trips, as were those in Broadmoor and Rampton, where we could not report him. Others seemed to me, to be a desire to be in charge, and in a way he was, as he offended with impunity, wherever he went, as freely as he wished.
Some offenders simply do not need grooming, in the true sense of the word, they see a very young child, and being older, and bigger, take what they want. Some take messages from an infant or toddler, where there is none, a toddler girl, who pulls up her dress, as very little girls do, is considered by the offender, to be “Wanting” him, and so he abuses her.
Phrases to a slightly older child that they are beautiful, and they are teasing him, which becomes his “action” words, are linked to making her feel, that she asked for it, again a grooming method, and one of control also.
Men who abuse boys, use virtually the same methods, but frequently tell boys, that they are “Girly”, or gay, and wanted it.
Masculine rape, is fraught with violence, as Anal Rape is physically difficult, likely to cause tearing, and bleeding, particularly if your victim is a small child! For this reason, and because men who rape boys often are very keen, not to be considered gay themselves, and actually rarely are attracted to men anyway, their interest will be for boys. This is often completely misunderstood, by the general public.
A paedophile, is attracted to children, the gender of those they molest, has little bearing on the gender they are, it is purely that they are attracted to children.
The law sets out an age of consent, in the belief that those under sixteen, have not considered, or understood the ramifications of a sexual relationship.
While we know teenagers below sixteen are having sex with one another, personally I think it is a bad thing, there are too many very young parents, who destroy their offspring lives with poor parenting skills, and who create by their example, more too young parents.
Male victims of abuse seem to suffer more from the idea that, “by not stopping their abuse, it was their fault syndrome”. This I think, is interwoven by male attitudes, and ideals that men dont show emotion, or cry etc.
It is true that men who have been abused, may offend themselves, but the actual ratios, of victims who do offend, and victims who do not, are not known. Some offenders lie, that they were abused, when caught, for sympathy, to shorten sentences also.
Women who abuse children, while rare, are less understood, and many of them seem to seek out teenage boys, to have sex with, and dont fully appreciate this as abuse at all.
They flirt, and have “relationships” with their victims, it is not until caught, that this “affair”, status, of their victim, suddenly becomes clear to them, in the light of prosecution.
However some women, abuse very young children, this seems for us to be against nature.
Grooming here, seems to be, not needed, the child gets molested during nappy changes, or physical punishment, “Spanking” becomes something else. There are though, women who abuse children, just as men do, and are “turned on”, in the same way a male abuser is.
However revolting this may seem, it happens. Some boys report their mothers began sexually molesting them as infants, and it continued as they grew. Grooming seems to be restricted here, to secrecy, and telling the boy, its ok to do this, and to touch her, keeping it hidden from Fathers.
Once more emasculating the male. However, there are sadly instances where whole families of children are born to paedophile parents, who abuse all their children, of both genders, and both parents are involved.
For the offender it solves the problem of access, and of the difficulty of finding victims, by having their own.
A proliferation of this type of offending has happened, as the internet has opened the floodgates, on offenders meeting each other, planning together, and knowing each other.
Also, paying to witness abuse, has made some offenders money, abroad some countries are overrun , by offenders seeking impoverished families, many of whom, sell their children to be abused. Childhood has become a commodity, in this world, grooming, is little used, money is the reward. Extreme violence, upon children, for the camera is happening, and men are standing in rooms, directing parents to beat babies, for financial gain, and they are doing it.
Believe it or not Hollywood has a lot to answer for, early american , “Family” shows, Such as “Little House on the Prairie”, and “Bonanza”, filled the screen, with children being whipped with canes and belts,as justified punishment. While aimed at a God fearing nation, put on the right path, tuning in were the makers of porn, and gradually, the big change from two people having sex on screen, to other forms of titillation started, following a pattern already begun.
While we may not have noticed, there were many programmes and films, which showed violence against women, and also children,usually considered family viewing. These broke down a resistance to violence, with the first soap opera, that showed some violence and a rape, with Grange Hill, showing a caning, and drug use, with extreme bullying.
The porn industry exploded in time with this, and even BBC showed “The Happy Valley” in which a white girl from South Africa, was beaten first with canes, then belts, then a leather whip, reinforced with drama, and wild animals as a backdrop, suddenly this was the norm. Child Abuse on BBC!!
While many people wont realise this, I do, and now the situation is critical, and the numbers of victims, growing every day.
The worst excesses of cruelty and violence, against children, are being played out, all over the world, and the true picture of this horrific legacy, is now being discovered.
As a victim of sexual abuse, and violence myself, I am pleased that at last our eyes are opening.
I hope that with this new sight, something is at last done to protect children, those least able to protect themselves.
Please note that victims of abuse may be triggered by reading this information. These links are generally UK based.
- The Sanctuary for the Abused [A] has advice on how to prevent triggers.
- National Association for People Abused in Childhood [B] has a freephone helpline and has links to local support groups.
- Other useful sites are One in Four [C]
- and Havoca [D].
- Useful post on Triggers [E] from SurvivorsJustice [F] blog.
- Jim Hoppers pages on Mindfulness[G] and Meditation[H] may be useful.
- Hwaairfan blog An Indigenous Australian Approach to Healing Trauma[J]
- Survivors UK for victims and survivors of male rape or the sexual abuse of men [K]
- Voicing CSA group [L] helps arrange survivors meetings in your area
 2015 Mar 4 Cathy Fox Blog Heartless and Heartless Too by Janella aka Steven George https://cathyfox.wordpress.com/2015/03/04/heartless-and-heartless-too-by-janella-and-steven-george/
 Facebook Steven George https://www.facebook.com/steven.george.35912?fref=ts