Anneke Lucas pimped by her mother to the Belgian Network

Anneke Lucas was pimped out aged 6, by her mother, to the network that has become known as the Dutroux network.

The network has little to do with Dutroux as he was a minor player, a mere gofer in the big evil scheme of this network. Michel Nihoul took some heat, but an ex Belgian Prime Minister Elio Di Rupo has been accused of running the child abuse network which had international connections to criminal networks. Nearly everyone was never charged.

Viscount Etienne Davignon, another perpetrator was linked via the Société Générale de Belgique to financing builder Gerald Bull to build Iraqi superguns. Bull was murdered.[19]

It has been claimed that the former Belgian deputy prime minister Andre Cools, who was assassinated on July 18, 1991, was almost done investigating the Bull murder and wanted to lay bare an international criminal syndicate. Among the persons that supposedly were about to be indicted were Dick Cheney, Neil Bush, Frank Carlucci, Donald Rumsfeld, Jonathan Aitken (head of Le Cercle; member Privy Council), Count Hervé de Carmoy, and the Barbours, Racicots, and Bronfmans.[19]

More stories of child sexual abuse…

[25] Out of Darkness, Into Light: Child Sexual Abuse – A WLRN Original Production https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MgqXvVqKIwc

[26] I was sex trafficked for years. Brothels are hidden in plain sight. | Casandra Diamond | TEDxToronto https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rg6xCRemYw4

[27] I was abused as a child bride and this is what I learned | Samra Zafar | TEDxMississauga https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XPAG3I8P34k

[28] How to spot human trafficking | Kanani Titchen | TEDxGeorgeSchool https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hrxhptvEOTs

[29] Marilyn VanDerbur Interview with Marilyn VanDerbur (Long Version) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O6UQnwyeOR0

[30] Sold For Sex: Trafficking in Nebraska https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=etao-pHnjUs

[31] Fallen Angels. True cost of sex tourism: Philippine’s fatherless kids of Angeles City Streetwalkers https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gV8GLhJv6ck

[32] 2014 Aug 9 Syrian Girl talks about being forced by father to do sexual jihad for Muslim rebels https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zcaEDDmcdU8

[33] Mind Control MKUltra Barbara Hartwell Media CIA Plant https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n1zkuqZzqfI&feature=youtu.be

[34] My Name Is Brooke Axtell and I Was Sex Trafficked at Age 7 in the US https://www.globalcitizen.org/en/content/my-name-is-brooke-axtell-and-i-was-trafficked-at-a/

[35] ‘I Remember the Smells, the Sights, and the Taste of Slavery’: Jessa Dillow Crisp Shares Her Story https://www.globalcitizen.org/en/content/jessa-dillow-crisp-i-remember-the-smells-the-sight/

[36] Karl Lagerfeld: A survivor’s account of sexual abuse in the fashion industry https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3jrLFzGb2tM

[37] REALWOMEN/REALSTORIES Colorado Child Trafficking Survivor Reveals Horrifying Trafficking Ordeal https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JW3qnAMkUgU Jessa Crisp, a Colorado-based victim of child sex trafficking has come forward to reveal that police are many times instrumental in sex trafficking operation. To make matters even more hopeless for the woman, she was unable to report the abuse or go to the police because there were a number of police officers who were actually involved in the kidnapping and abuse. But she did not give up because she is STRONG. SHARE!

[38] 2014 Holly Austin Smith: A Survivor Story https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JFegDQDuLhs

[39] 2014 Marilyn Van Derbur: A Survivor Story https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ALEfE3rNCqI

[40] Darlene’s Story: Trafficking Survivor https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bf36bf4PMSk

[41] Jasmine’s Story: Trafficking Survivor & Post Abortive Woman https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfayDrt_-mE

–

Transcripts and Videos

[10] 2020 Apr 15 Dark Owl Anneke Lucas Testimony Part One (1 of 4)

Appendix 1

all right welcome to this interview this

is going to be a four part interview

that we decided to break up for the very

reasons that there’s a lot of heavy

material here it gets pretty intense

from an emotional perspective and at the

same time it reveals something that’s

just so important to what we’re

uncovering as humanity during this time

that we wanted to make sure we took the

proper time to really go through this

content so what you’re gonna watch

coming up here is four different parts

following Anika Lucas’s journey as a

child sex slave now this starts getting

into you know what the elite pedophilia

stuff that we start talking about this

gets into the child trafficking and all

that sort of stuff but really this

starts looking at a deep you know I

guess you could say puzzle that is

starting to form are starting to come

together here as we’re uncovering and

looking at this sort of elite pedophilia

that does happen I know a lot of us want

to turn a blind eye to it or want to

pretend that it’s not happening and you

know that’s fair that it’s fair to be

able to say like you know these are dark

things if we have to look at this this

is a dark aspect of humanity that we’re

gonna have to face and maybe I’m not

ready or maybe I don’t want to face that

that doesn’t take away from the fact

that we have to now it doesn’t mean we

have to expose ourselves to it every

single day it means that we do have to

understand the depths to which is you

know what this really is and what’s

going on because we’re going to realize

as we recrawl her story and her ultimate

healing through the entire thing we’re

gonna chronicle what this looks like at

an elite level what happens and what

really who are the types of people that

were giving our power to when we begin

to actually go out and vote and get

become part of this system as it is

today right we’re not talking about

voting in the future time alone as it is

today right this is what these are the

types of people that were sort of

keeping in power in in a lot of

different ways because this is a

widespread issue so without further ado

let’s get into this Anika Lucas shares

an incredible story in these first two

parts be sure to really really sit down

and dive into these ones because they

are going to get a little bit intense

and we’re going to have a meditation at

the end of the second part which is

going to be really important in this

entire process so here’s Anika she’s

gonna tell you her story okay hi I’m

Katrina

with collective evolution and we’re here

today with Anika Lucas and we believe

that Anika has a very important story to

tell and has very important insights to

give us not only in terms of our own

personal healing but in terms of where

we go as a collective

so welcome Anika thank you so what what

I wanted to start with first is for you

to give an explanation of your

experiences your story your life story

sorry your life story is kind of the

foundation for so much learning and so

much insight that we can get so I

understand that in in some ways you

don’t remember quite everything from

what happened especially in your

childhood I remember the important

things you remember the important things

and and maybe you can tell the story and

however you want that’ll help us

understand what your experiences are so

then we can go on to to talk about what

we can learn from those no thank you

yes I’ll share my story my life story

I’ll try to give an overview I was born

in Belgium in 1963 and my mother was

single and she was not well and abused

me from birth onward and she married

when I was 3 and we moved from Brussels

to the Flemish part of the country

she was Flemish but I actually spoke

French at that time I was three and a

half and she married someone and I think

right away

I was targeted by the by a countess

whose daughter was in my class and I

think maybe this countess

saw that my mother wasn’t well and she

arranged for a woman to be our cleaning

lady and she and her husband teamed up

they groomed me for about a year so this

was all over sometime because I was

probably just around my sixth birthday

when this couple first took me to an

orgy they well the grooming ended with

them sexualizing me and also verbally

abusing me and then I was taken to the

orgy so the groom by the grooming what

what do you mean exactly well they spent

a year taking me to all I learned

swimming with them and they took me and

they they in groups of kids so they were

talking about they said it was their

their nieces and nephews more girls than

boys and you know there were always

different children and they would just

take me out with them to on they would

do things you know go to the park go

swimming that became like a weekly thing

and they always offered my mother to

take me off her hands so and I never

liked them either of them so I never

wanted to go but my mother wasn’t well

so she was just taking it and before the

it was perhaps the same weekend perhaps

not but before I was taken to the orgy

the man raped me and the woman yelled

screamed at me

and they took me to an energy where

everyone was taking drugs and dressed as

hippies but I realized later that they

weren’t actually not hippies they were

they were all aristocrats it was

happening in a castle and and degrading

experiences in that first night I felt

so humiliated I was made to take part in

some like the man took me on a stage and

that was just right there were a lot of

people around but most of them are so

high they weren’t really paying

attention even though he was abusing me

on this stage and I was naked and then

after he had done this kind of show with

me where he had done really gross things

he left me there and I was just left on

the lying on this black stage it was

just a low stage like that but it was in

this room which was a kind of a salon

and all these people were just around

and people were actually barely paying

attention so I stood up and this was the

first time when I knew I had to do

something or else I would die in

internally so I stood up and I’m I said

you can’t do this to me I’m going to

make sure that you’re all be punished I

spoke about my stepfather who was the

mayor of a village my stepfather is

going to put you all in jail and then I

was taken over by the man who had

welcomed us

that day had basically dealt with the

couple who were the the pimps and I

guess he and they brought three girls

that day and he was disappointed that

there wasn’t a boy but my hair was short

so he decided he was going to use me

[Music]

that happen had happened before this

this show and now he came back this I

called him an old pet arrest then I

started getting back into these cities

circumstances I started calling him an

old an old penury so like boys he was

fat

he brought me along very calmly like you

know just like nothing happened

like he was my friend and then I don’t

quite remember how we got to this place

but we went somewhere else and we went

into a basement it was a large basement

a large cellar vaulted ceilings so it

was maybe under another mansion or

castle I’m not sure or maybe it was the

same place I don’t really know but we

were walking for it seemed like a very

long walk and I thought I was going to

get killed and I tried to just attune

myself to him even though I didn’t like

him and I felt guilty for not liking him

but he was very casual he was just

saying well we know we like you here and

we wouldn’t want anything to happen to

you and I was trying to connect and then

we reached the end there were it was as

if there were several compartments of

this cellar so when we reach the last

compartment there was a

a cement tub that was built into the

floor and there was nothing in the tub

but behind the tub so when we reached

this the body came into view of a young

very young woman a teen she seemed like

a woman to me because I was just

probably just six years old so he was

just casually saying that you know he

didn’t want anything to happen to me and

they wanted to keep me and it was just

that I shouldn’t say anything and you

know we don’t want to talk about

anything we don’t want to keep it a

secret so I took that very gently yeah

but the suggestion was very very clear

yes yes if I speak I’ll be killed I’ll

be I’ll be killed and this is very real

because we’re looking at a real body and

I tried to speak anyway because I

thought well they’re saying I can’t

speak to my stepfather because I said I

was going to tell him so I try to tell

my mother and I’m not sure when and I’m

not sure how many times I went back with

this couple but at some point my mother

took over from them and started driving

me there herself she actually got a car

she didn’t drive so she got all excited

she got her driver’s license and because

of my stepfather’s position as the mayor

she didn’t have to do a driving test so

she was proud she actually took me to

get her driver’s license a big up her

driver’s license cuz she was very proud

of it and then she got a little car and

that was very unusual at the time that

people had two cars out to car household

in Belgium we got a little car she got

an automatic car the only one available

at the

time doesn’t Belgium the cars were not

automatic so she got the only model that

had you know that was an automatic car

Dutch model very small and and then she

started to drive me to these places

herself so you drive me drop me off she

never come in and then the idea was that

she would be there and Dawn and if I

didn’t come out and Dawn she just wait

and she she’d get calls from the woman

the countess who lived in the village

and just take me wherever usually it was

orgies two castles with aristocrats and

then there were also these other people

there I started to get a sense of the

the people they were not all our

Socrative were politicians I just knew

that they were I learned to measure

power then I can learn to measure who

was you know the ones who have to be

careful about the the ones who had power

[Music]

and she also would sometimes take me

just one to one house to one man keep me

out of school there was always a doctor

or writing notes so the system of having

a child’s live at home and either their

parent living this was unusual I think

yet I I don’t think any other children

were pimped out by their parents I think

the pimps usually infiltrated into the

families like these this couple had done

but to send the children back home that

was the genius way of having the

children available for whenever they

needed them and in a week I would go to

school

and when I was nine so there was a boss

there was a boss in the network and he

was clearly the most important person

that person I recognized later was a

minister he was a cabinet minister in

Belgium and he was also Prime Minister

several times and he and his friends

were like the group that was clearly

running everything and when I was nine

years old I was sent in a car with two

handlers with another child and driven

to Switzerland and when we arrived there

we were also sent in a tunnel another

tunnel we were outside for just a second

in the very lovely air and then there

was some portal outside that was opened

and we walked through it in it yeah I

don’t think you could see that it was

anything from the outside it was just a

gate and then we walked in a very long

underground tunnel and there were

torches on the sides of the walls that

were burning with flames so we got

through the ends and the handlers met

other handlers there and then aid a man

came out and he was a perpetrator and he

he decided that it was decided there

those children were brought there for

this man he was American he spoke French

and I understood French so he decided

that there were two children one was for

him to rape and one was to be sacrificed

and he decided that the boy should be

sacrificed

and well I knew that boy I’d spend time

with him and he was a little bit

backwards it was a little bit slow so I

felt extremely protective of that boy

and I had to comfort him on the way over

in the car and I’d try to hold him I

tried to I picked I had picked him up

and walked with him because he was tired

from the walk and I held him and I tried

to hold onto him and all he was torn

from me and

this perpetrator this was a very large

underground area with a lot of symbols

on the floor and fires burning and there

was a large altar and there was a man

who I thought was a baron

I know knew he was Belgian he was the

executioner I have found out later I

recognized him in picture I found out

later he was a lawyer at the time and he

became a baron later so I was made to

watch this perpetrator made me watch

while he raped me

and well that was

I didn’t know if he I could like well

I’ve I’ve never felt that powerless I’ve

felt powerless a lot but I felt

completely powerless there because I

couldn’t he screamed and I could tell

that his screams were exciting the

people around that it made them more

angry and more violent

and I felt that I betrayed him because I

felt that I wanted the screams – stop –

at one point and I felt that I betraying

him he was seven seven years old and I

was nine and I was upset oh so he was

butchered he was butchered slowly and

there was this this obsession with

genitals that was this offering its

offering of his genitals to Satan I mean

I didn’t you think of that word at all

it was just everything was black and

everyone was wearing black capes and I

learned later that that was a satanic

ritual

and so this perpetrator I was very upset

and he looked at me threatening Lee

because I it was I got from him that he

thought that I was upset because he had

raped me and I laughed it wasn’t I don’t

know where that laugh came from but I

laughed at the I was incredulous that

maybe he didn’t even think that I could

be upset about this child that he saw me

he actually sayto you know he didn’t say

that but he looked at me threatening Lee

because he looked like he was getting

insecure because I was upset and if I’m

upset because he raped me

then I’m mirroring something that he’s

doing and so I got the feeling that he

thought that I was upset because he had

raped me and that and I’m therefore I’m

a threat and I laughed because I had

been raped many many times by then

that’s not why I was upset and as I left

I thought I’m going to get killed I

thought these thoughts were running

through my mind I’m going to get killed

for laughing but I saw this child emerge

from him insecure he was suddenly I saw

this little boy in this perpetrator

who’s insecure who who feels that he’s

the slow one who feels that he doesn’t

get it because he didn’t know I was

laughing so that he’s insecure was now

insecure and feeling that he didn’t

belong with the big kids I got all this

information in this moment from looking

at him as I laughed and then he I told

him no I was not upset because I I was

upset about the child I was not upset

about you and then as I was tuning in

I started to say I’m not upset about you

and I just I just started Sabol you know

the men that were there had taken off

their hoods and most of them were old

men

bald balding you know like a lot of

politicians like the bald streak in the

middle and he was clearly older he was

in his 50s clearly but he had all his

hair and he looked very clean extremely

clean and neat and so I started to say

that while you are you are you know I’m

I’m not upset that you raped me and I

started to flatter him saying look at

these other look at these other men look

at these men you know and so I started

to share this joke that all these men

were disgusting looking and he looked

much better and then strangely I said he

had this long nose and I thought in this

moment when he was insecure I thought

he’s very insecure about his nose he

thinks he hasn’t uh he’s ugly he feels

ugly like he has an ugly nose and I said

you have a very nice note and when I

said that he physically transformed and

his nose actually started to look better

and he started to being and I suddenly

got this myself I felt myself

transforming to and for the first time I

felt pretty and

he ended up so this American and ended

up thinking I’m sophisticated because

I’d laughed he took me with him to the

United States and became an important

father figure and being attuned to him I

had to get in the same mindset that you

know what had happened there that was

not didn’t happen well I thought I was

going to get killed when I was being on

the jet I didn’t see him and I when I

was on the jet and I thought I was being

wherever I was going to be taken I was

also going to get killed and I was

taking it I was it was at JFK but I was

taken by a handler off the the private

jet didn’t go through customs he just

drove me to a hotel he put me in a room

and in a brown room so I thought for

sure I’m waiting here to just be killed

then the handler came and got me back

put me in a car in the back of a car

where he was waiting and he greeted me

like you know he was really happy to see

so I spent this time with him and he

about several things he showed me his

way of life he took me to several of his

houses New York City north of New York I

met his staff he just brought me along

everywhere we went he an American with a

9 year old Belgian girl

nobody ever seemed to wonder hmm he was

very powerful I could tell he was very

powerful I realized later that probably

I and the boy were sent to Switzerland

to get in his good graces by the leader

of the network in Belgium that it was a

gift or some kind of trade so I spent

three

weeks I think in the United States with

this person sailing with him on his boat

to mean to his property there so he had

properties everywhere he took me to

three of them and he suddenly started

rejecting me and the tryptamine and we

stopped over somewhere saw a friend of

his one of the leaders of the families I

later realized and I heard him talking

and I’m good with languages so I

actually understood what they were

saying in English you know he thought I

spoke French only but they were he was

talking about me to this other person as

if I’m this example that children are

very well suited you know to have sex

with and very sexual beings and it’s

part of what I think is the agenda

sexualizing children and just not

recognizing the innate innocence of

children so he was demonstrating that

through me that I was so adaptable and

that clearly you know this I’m I was the

proof that this was a good idea to have

sex with children and he bought me a

dress he taught me what good food I mean

I ate very good food he taught me how to

eat it he taught me about art he

invested this time and he kept saying

that I belonged to his class of people I

belonged to his family even I never met

anyone of his family but I was in his

his houses and so I felt finally I

belong somewhere and I’m also hi I’m

connected to him in on this cloud of

privilege which is such a high

incredible so that alone you don’t need

any drugs

you know just feel like you’re above the

world

everything and everyone and everything

was so clean and so beautiful

I know gosh even nature seemed more

beautiful like the parts that he owned

because it was all so clean and he sent

me back he started to judge me when I

got a runny nose on the sailboat so he

started to become distant but polite and

then he sent me off big smile

sent me off back on the Jets but he

stayed he was gonna see me again he sent

me off to this the jet went back to

Switzerland I was picked up by the

leader I was high the whole way through

because I thought I loved I felt I found

you know a father I’m loved he’s going

to see me again he’s going to you know

bring me into his family somehow that

was my thought I was convinced that was

going to happen I was picked up by the

the the cabinet minister was the leader

of the network at the airport who was

really annoyed and having to be the

gofer clearly he didn’t appreciate

having to drive me around but he took me

somewhere right away to a facility close

by and immediately some some tests were

done like some things I was strapped

down in a sort of a lab like setting and

I was strapped down and there were two

men in white lab coats and he and so

they took things they they took things

from from my uterus and

and some needles definitely and then I

was brainwashed

so then I would I was sexually

stimulated while I was strapped down

well done the Belgian was screaming into

my ear that if my man leaves me I’m I’m

worth nothing and I should just kill

myself and my life’s worth nothing just

kill yourself hear this so there was

this while the sexual stimulation was

happening

and then he drove me after that he drove

me to Germany to a place there and this

is something I recently recovered it

explains a lot about things of my life

as any memory always does when it starts

to fall into place when the pieces of

the puzzle start to fall into place it

certainly explains a lot and then

there’s this this healing it takes for

this integration that takes place that’s

very important so for my well-being I

was there for a month

and so I’ll briefly say that it was a

kind of a training plus eugenics it was

a eugenics clinic what do you mean by

eugenics in this in this particular case

so I was taught I was shown a lot of

videos or film whatever my eyes were

pried open and I was made to watch and I

was I was made to watch people engaging

in all kinds of sex acts but I was made

to watch their faces and I was taught

through it was systematic was very well

done in that sense that it was

structured really well so that I could

start to understand that certain

physical features like certain physical

features are going to mean that for that

man’s genitals for example or looking at

certain physical features like that’s

what that meant like sexually so I could

see from looking at someone’s face what

they liked and then looking at someone’s

body what they liked sexually what they

are about sexually what they need

sexually so that was most of it that was

most of this training so I watched a lot

of was made to watch a lot of film but I

was also starting to understand because

because it was also true

so there’s a correlation somehow between

the way that the face develops and

people’s addictions and everything all

the trauma is actually all somehow

expressed it’s it’s all visible we just

don’t usually look at it we don’t

usually see it so I was taught to see it

so in this case here you feel like

you’re being brainwashed but also you’re

you’re getting to understand a deeper

truth about you know what things mean

when people have certain faces reactions

yes

traits or traits like with the eyes

especially you know around the eyes

especially it really shows like if

someone’s addicted to sex for example

there’s certain creases that appear and

there they’re always the same and when

someone masturbates for example you

there’s a certain there’s a certain type

of other type of crease that appears

under the eyes so you can see sex

addiction very clearly and then I was

made to see all the differentiations of

different kinds of sexual addictions

that people have and what because I was

being trained to be a sex slave for the

elite but also things were done so there

were there were a lot of things done to

my head and there seems to have been

some technology used that we’re not that

should not have been in 1972 that should

not have been used I think there were

lasers used on me there were lasers put

on my body and there were things

performed on my body as well

I don’t know meaning that the people at

that time didn’t realize that technology

was available was it it was ahead of its

time it was ahead of its time

and there was a doctor there and I

recently found him so not only was I

made to see all of these videos but

there was also the main doctor there I

didn’t see him that often but he was the

main the leader there very scary looking

man who I found his picture

who was a Nazi he was part of the Nazi

Party he was not very active but then he

got a very big public role afterwards as

a doctor and he was interested in

eugenics and he was funded by this

American perpetrator I didn’t know that

of course but I was also there were also

a lot of programs put in place I sort of

make sure that I wouldn’t remember the

doctor’s face for example so there were

suffocation programs put in place so

when I when I saw his face first I

started to suffocate and so I had to

break through these breathe through

these very strong suffocation programs

that I and then when I finally saw his

face a very strange reaction because I

don’t think I’ve ever felt that much

hatred so so much pure hatred that I

just wanted to – somehow this this

revenge was very very ripe and when I

saw his face on online and this is would

this be around 2013 we’re talking about

no no this is threat more recently I had

started speaking publicly about what had

happened to me in 2013 but this is more

recent this is in the in this past year

right

this really when this perpetrator died

the American perpetrator died and that I

think I wasn’t safe emotionally safe to

remember him until he was dead

so it was once once he died I saw that

that everything started to come back and

make sense and just slowly because when

a memory comes back it could mean

anything it doesn’t necessarily mean

that it’s a memory you know I’m just

starting to get these images and I’m

starting it it’s really not until they

are felt until the feelings that are

connected to this and all the repressed

all that are been repressed for all that

time and that have been maybe coming in

and in appropriate times when there’s

something triggered it’s only when those

feelings are connected to their Ridge

no trauma that the integration then

happens and then I then know that this

actually happens exactly you have that

record that’s the key to the recognition

of that say yeah this is in my past

there’s no doubt I felt it

no I cannot doubt it and I didn’t of

course when I was in

honey as a nine-year-old girl I could

have never imagined that this

perpetrator who was my father that was

connected to all of this abuse that I

was experiencing there so that year that

summer it was a summer and when in July

I went with this perpetrator to the

United States in August I spent the time

in this it was a dirty lab I mean it was

Germanic in certain ways but it was very

dirty place with like a little black

half you know curtain and and and I was

the oldest child there so it was

particularly torturous because most of

the bit most of the children there were

babies and toddlers that were being

trained and I was strapped down most of

the time I was strapped on a sort of a

cot type thing so I couldn’t again you

know this helplessness this

powerlessness that I couldn’t because

them they were crying and I was just

powerless to to pick them up or to

comfort them and somehow you always

through all this you always have that

care for the innocent I didn’t feel

innocent right but I felt that the other

children the truth yeah

well I had been loved as a child a baby

so my mother was abusive but I was loved

by by a caretaker so I got my mother’s

abuse and the numbness and and then I

had the caretaker who would bring me

back to myself wrapped me on her body

who was my real mother for three years

so my mother went to work so I went to

this caretaker a lot very sweet and so I

knew what it was like to just be me I

got this experience of being seen as an

innocent baby and I think because of

that that vibration you know it’s a

vibration it’s this vibration of love of

unconditional love that as a baby I was

just accepted as in that phase of my

human life this completely innocent

human being as that was seen and

recognized I was then able to have this

blueprint inside of what it means though

I should tell you I’m not really

completely sure about that because I

work with people who’ve been through

similar things and I don’t know if all

of them have had that experience of

being loved but they still have the

heart that was the question I was gonna

ask I was gonna say without which

without this experience does everything

else does your whole rest of your life

play out very differently you think I

think so but I have to tell you that I’m

faced every day with people who I’ve

been through as much as I’ve been

through and they have the same caring

the same love I mean

we weren’t able to express that to each

other in the network and I certainly

never did again after the little boy who

was who was butchered I never again

allowed myself to be close to another

child so I didn’t really I suspected

that underneath the way that we were

pitted against each other

that we really did care for each other

and I can speak more about that later

but to return to that Germany lab I I

was so in in I was also brainwashed so

there was also an attempt to to use my

head somehow and to I was strapped down

and then and then there were things but

in my head big needles but in my head

and there was this attempt to this

forceful attempt to make me believe

another that I’m a whore that I’m only a

whore

and so there was this voice rising in

that terror because it was very

terrifying I was on my back and I

strapped down and then there’s these

things at my head and there’s things

being put in my head and my brain going

through my brain

so from that there I was repeating my

truth I am I am me I am me where my

affirmation was I you know what I don’t

know what that means yeah which is yeah

I didn’t feel innocent but I perhaps

felt that I had access there was some

access there was a portal there back to

it that I that’s me that is me and then

I that everything else that was imposed

is not me so I am me so they’re doing

experiments and they’re doing

experiments and they were thinking and

hoping well maybe this will work maybe

this will work they weren’t thinking and

hoping they they knew what they were

doing and usually it did work okay yeah

no it’s more that I was one of the

difficult ones always understood and I

was also too old

okay yes like you were saying they had

some very very young children and babies

there and they were already starting

that program the you know the the

deliberate dissociating through trauma

so that you can go into an altar and

then become the whore or whatever altar

you know because there’s as the horse

there’s very many different altars

there’s one for each you know

perpetrator basically and that was a

month so a month there and that doctor

yeah I just there was this this great

anger and like haha I got I see your

face I know it’s you I know it’s you

there I had that feeling part of the

heel yeah the revenge and the anger yeah

yeah to overcome you and you saw the

intentional programming to have

wipe from your face and then you see him

and you recognize it

and babinicz after after all the

suffocation yeah having to get get

through that painful process and the

deprogramming yes yes and then the next

year so then I was taken back home my

family had gone on a vacation without me

no questions necessary there’s they went

to Austria and my mother my mother said

you know we didn’t have a good trip I

think that’s maybe the closest that she

could ever come to any kind of like

right it’s nothing but it’s well she was

trying to say something did you ever get

a sense that your mother had trauma in

her childhood or you know oh for sure

yeah yeah she was extremely traumatized

she was born in a 39 so in a town close

to the German border so time that was

bombed where there was famine her father

was in a concentration camp in bagging

Belsen so as a prisoner of war not as a

as a concentration camp prisoner

but her mother died when she was right

five six years old just right around

that same time that she that she started

to put me in these life-threatening

situations clearly she had been sexually

abused she acts like that she doesn’t

remember it but she acts like an over

sexualized lit five-year-old little girl

that’s how she acts I know that her

father he survived a camp he wasn’t cool

he never touched me sexually but he once

slapped me on the behind very

inappropriate I don’t know clearly she

had been sexually abused I don’t know by

whom but never any healing so there was

she was like this this is five year old

over sexualized child who firmly

believed that men and sexual men who

would sexualize her or men who were

rapists or her her that she had to

placate them and then all the

self-hatred wasn’t was projected onto me

but no sense of anything no boundaries

no no awareness at all how did you feel

that her family was always part of this

network in some way or there was no no

there weren’t there no that’s why she

didn’t go in she didn’t go in she kind

of felt envious

she acted when she dropped me she acted

as if I was gonna got to go to the cool

party and she the victim didn’t get to

go so she was so putting me there in her

stead she really wanted to be that

celebrate sexualized celebrated for her

sexuality child she wanted to be that

she had this idea that I was gonna get a

husband I mean I was 6 years old but she

had some idea that there was going to be

a marriage coming from that I was going

to marry into now remembered so you had

that period of a month in Germany yes

and afterwards I was taken to Germany

several times so I was going to school

but I was taken out of school a lot to

go back to Germany to be deployed as a

sex slave for German powerful German

people so I recognize some people

definitely top top of the power line

that sexually abused me I learned German

I learned to speak German I spent enough

time there to learn the language and

then and I’m not sure maybe it was about

a year later I saw that American

perpetrator back again and I didn’t want

to believe that he was connected to this

so but he started to question me he was

very happy to see him his first there

you know at first it was like very happy

we’re all and I’m thinking I’m now going

to go to America with him and I’m gonna

be his daughter and his family he’s

adopting me that’s what I was thinking

I guess this meeting was was sort of

planned on his part right he’s it was

his time to come back and see you and

mm-hmm

did the next step yes and it wasn’t a an

extremely formal building a mansion but

it seemed like it’s a government

building or something but very beautiful

again but we didn’t meet in a room that

had a bed in it we met in or in an in

another room I don’t know I don’t

remember but there was no bed in it

that’s what I remember

different different from other vibe from

other meetings yeah

so so first he was very happy and I was

very happy and then I guess I had a an

inkling that there was some connection

because we were in Germany and I just

wanted to confirm that he wasn’t

involved then he was not so happy and I

told him that you know I’d had a very

hard time and no he said it was to make

me strong and it was the only way it was

the only way that he would be able to

see me is to see me as a sex slave and

he had asked me questions about the men

that I’d seen so before we got into the

the grit of everything he’d uh asked me

questions about these men and he he told

me what is what’s their weakness so that

was part of the programming also to to

spot a man’s weakness just right on

and I I told him what their weakness was

I the one who had seen the most often

there were two but the one that I’d seen

the most often he thought he was a good

man so that was his weakness

and he left when I said that the

American left because of course in his

mind no one’s good and I was thinking

well he’s not good because he’s a

pedophile obviously but that was not on

isn’t that was not really on his mind

right but then when I was aware that he

was involved I got angry and terrorized

I felt a terror again and then he

he came I guess what was the

end of his cycle where I had seen his

vulnerability then he felt that he

didn’t belong when I left and he didn’t

know why I was laughing and he was the

kid who was always behind and couldn’t

really quite follow the other kids so

now he could say that I did not belong

because I was vulgar I was he said I’m

I’m vulgar and that I should have never

given me as much attention as he did

because I always just be the lowest of

the low and that’s who I am that’s why

I’m the lowest of the low

that’s why because I’m vulgar so in the

the first situation you were able to

connect with him when you were in the

the dungeon the basement and get him

feeling good about himself and this time

your reaction to his involvement in that

program you didn’t make an attempt

exactly to reconnect and flatter yes get

in his good graces and so forth exactly

I don’t I didn’t do I didn’t play

mention of your I don’t know I didn’t

feel that way in retrospect for sure but

what I felt was that that the terror

that I’d experienced and the the attempt

to keep my soul alive was and there was

nothing none of that was conscious so I

felt that I messed up in a really big

way and I just took it all on and his

felt that I it was all my fault and it’s

true you know I could look very

sophisticated but at the bottom of it

all this belief settled in me that I’m

really not worthy I’m really just the

lowest of the low and that’s a belief

that I held until I recently unlocked

all of this that I I never made money in

my life now I’ve privileged you know

we’re not talking about privileged but I

never was able to be empowered enough

financially so I realized that he needed

me to feel that way

that’s the connection with the abuse you

needed me to feel that way so that he

could feel that he deserved all the

billions that came in his family fortune

and the billions that he made in his

life because I was feeling that I didn’t

deserve it and there was this polarity

in through the abuse that he constantly

this projection I’m sure lasted for the

rest of his life and I got to carry it

further it for the rest of his life so

it was at my expense mm-hmm and in a

larger sense of this it’s that’s that’s

it you know the the the upper classes

are in the position where they are by

thanks to everybody carrying the burden

for them and of course the more

disadvantaged the person is the more

pain they have to carry they’re made to

carry and it’s not one without the other

that’s what maybe isn’t so well

understood right and that’s when we’re

gonna be talking about healing that’s

when we’re gonna come to understand like

how important it is for each person to

step up individually if they look at the

world instead of making a bad guy and

saying we got to kill them right it’s

I’ve got to look inside myself

rise up become have the self esteem yes

and and that and then the other side of

the polarity just sort of wisps exactly

yeah yes yes if each person becomes

empowered from within there will be no

need for an outer authority that lays

down the rules and then basically abuse

their power because that’s all that’s

ever going to happen that’s the only

reason people are in a place of

authority and anyone who starts out with

good intentions we just had an election

here

anybody I see them you know oh and

everyone’s so excited about this one by

the time that they actually are in a

place where they supposedly could make a

difference they’re completely sold out

and otherwise they fail they leave the

system or they get killed there’s no way

that anybody can rise through the

political power paradigm and end up at

the top with a good heart right and and

with truly truly able to do anything

there anyway those are the people that I

met that that abused me and now I’m

working with other people who have

experienced the same things I have so I

know that it’s continued and I know that

the current leaders are the same as the

ones that I ran into in the 60s and the

70s it’s exactly the same thing is

happening and and they’re there I think

a pedophile is better able to be

controlled absolutely yeah I mean that’s

part of the system from the higher up in

the hierarchy brings in people who can

be controlled then they become

controllers themselves and everybody’s

trying to prove themselves yeah every

time they act yeah their constant we

have this need to say I deserve to be

where I am I am Who I am I have a need

they have the need because they don’t

have the self esteem right so they need

to say right exactly they have to prove

it to themselves all the time and prove

it to themselves really means that I’m

better so you have a system that where

you climb and then you have the people

with the good heart and they have no

desire to climb this hierarchy to get to

the top they just want to be good with

everybody that they’re that they

encounter which is why it’s kind of

difficult to find someone who has the

power and the heart and the desire to

and has the will to get to a certain

position where they have power and

maintain that no way to keep your

integrity but

people with a good heart most people are

good most people are good but but the

brainwashing the brainwashing is really

intense and I everybody’s brain washed I

got myself out of my brainwashing

through the healing but the brainwashing

is intense and it’s everywhere and

that’s the that’s the waking up that

needs to happen exactly okay so I’m not

gonna get into too much at the end of

this one what I am gonna say is that

again if this was a little intense to

hear some of the things that you heard

that’s okay it’s normal there you know

there’s a lot of different emotions

there’s a lot of different feeling here

and anak has been incredibly courageous

to come forth and share this information

and especially as we get into part where

we’re gonna get into a little bit of a

deeper aspects of the story it’s it’s

going to be important not only for you

know obviously her journey to go through

what she has gone through but it’s it’s

gonna be important for us to pay

attention to the emotions the different

feelings that are going to come up as we

go through this so not much else to say

here at the end of part one but when we

get into part two we’re going to have a

little bit more at the end that we’re

going to discuss

Appendix 2

you

okay so just a recap on part one Annika

began talking about the early journey of

how all of her involvement in the child

sex slavery began when she was in

Belgium a couple of little things that

are interesting just to mention is that

you know a lot of times as people get

into this stuff like or pushed into it

or even looking at some of the people

that are involved we start to realize

it’s not like there’s typically much of

a choice and it’s not like sometimes it

doesn’t just go from you’re not in it to

you’re fully in it sometimes it’s a

process that unfolds that slowly sort of

you know sort of tinker’s people into

the entire process which happens on both

ends of this entire thing and as Annika

is going to discuss as we further get

into her story there’s going to be

incredibly important nuances that she’s

had the wisdom to to understand and to

reflect on that are very important for

us as viewers to this to understand so

please pay close attention to the stuff

that she shares in this next part and

again be sure to stick around because

this does get pretty heavy as we get

into this and we’re gonna you know kind

of go through a little bit of a

meditation at the end of this so that we

can make sure that we process the

various feelings that are coming up like

I’d like to take us back yeah yeah

because it’s not done of the chronology

yes

so chronologically so that was that

American man who dumped me there in

Germany and then somehow he must not

have spoken to the leader of the network

maybe he felt it as a personal failure I

don’t know but he didn’t say anything so

I was still used in the network in

Belgium but I was never taken Soren I

never saw the American again but somehow

the experiences had given me some as a

child there some kind of reputation with

the leader there who now started to use

me every time there was a visit from

VIPs so I I was so I was used

so I have recognized a lot of world

leaders visible are not so visible but I

found a lot of very easy to find and

then when I was 10

someone came in and an orgy very

different came with his father was

digging there for the first time by his

father who was clearly trying to get in

with the with the VIPs and he asked for

him me again there was something that

happened I defied him hmm he he was only

20 years old so I was very curious when

I saw him first gets very out of place

there were no 20 year olds there and

there were only very few children I

should say the children were like the

most valued commodity and we were

brought in off and later you know it was

it was it was not like there’s an orgy

and there’s the children to be used no

it was all very organised the children

would be brought in I was often waiting

with a handler in another room for quite

a while and then we were brought in and

then I often had to make the men feel

comfortable the new ones and and that

was filmed or or photographed secretly

and was and partly about blackmail or

the potential of blackmail that was

propped a part of that matter yeah sure

and no one ever said no I mean I guess

they got there in the first place so

they were that’s what I realized much

later yeah when I was a child I was

always thinking well the next man who is

gonna come he’s gonna say I’m not doing

you know but so I was really kind of

always surprised but they would they

were because I also I didn’t look older

I was first of all I was very young I

was 6 and a 6 to 11 but I always just

looked exactly my age and I was smile so

there was no question like it’s not like

well maybe 16 no not at all you were ten

at this point yes and so the 20 year old

came and made some snide comment to me

now you little whore you like your job

because I smile in it so now by this

time I was just so attuned again now I’m

just doing what feels comes naturally I

don’t even know but I’m saying you think

I like it here and I was very angry

which usually there was sometimes there

was a way to express anger but it was

always in that in that dynamic in having

to do with what this man likes right

specifically sexually and you were like

usually accommodating them and what they

were looking for in this case you were

clearly being defiant

I was defiant because he likes the

clients and he liked the finds and and

he was shocked he was also young it was

his first time now he’s brought there he

was completely shocked and when I saw

him I just got the sense of him like it

was a very strong feeling I had when I

just saw him walking and I thought he’s

too hurt he’s young and he’s too hurt

that was my feeling but I had a lot of

feeling for this person just seeing him

and so then he went and to the boss for

the network and just in the group just

went to the group and just asked for me

it’s just very unorthodox like you you

didn’t just go and ask you know it

wasn’t like this is a brothel I want

that one right that was not really how

it was done

sneaky or subtle or whatever with a nod

or whatever but not just like hey you

know I um so so meaning you actually saw

him going yeah yeah there was a an orgy

and there was another man who had been

sitting with me so he went and asked for

permission 20 also he didn’t care and he

didn’t care because he had a gun and he

wasn’t afraid to use it and that’s why

he was respected in the circles because

he was um because he killed okay so he

he took me to a room and he we were

taken by a handler who who was very

pissed off and having to be the gofer

but you took me to a beautiful room in

the small castle where we were in

Belgium near Brussels and he didn’t

touch me and he basically just stood

there and said you know then what you

want to do then I thought well I don’t I

don’t want to go to sleep that was my

bad but I didn’t think I could say that

but he didn’t touch me he didn’t touch

me for six months he wanted it to come

from me and then he also protected me

and he also I had my first therapy

sessions with him where he was kind of

trying to find out about the network and

so I was starting to open up to him and

I I told him certain things but not

everything but I

they’re done about the sacrifice

who was sacrificed that was the first

time I shared about it and I cried and

he was just listening he wasn’t really

emotional at all he was just listening

but I felt this back once again there’s

a father figure and he’s listening to me

and 11 to 20 nights now it doesn’t

matter if you’re a sex slave I did not

feel like his equal at all

it didn’t make yeah it made some right I

guess well it was better looking well

I’m better looking that was better but

no and then also he was very tall six

foot over six feet so he was sort of

getting a lay of the land and he was

particularly interested in the boss the

cabinet minister he wanted to know about

him who was very sadistic I shared

certain things again but always very

careful I was always very careful I was

and I also knew that once you have

protected this is very dangerous when

you’re protected because then you get

this other status and what did happen

before you know I was favored and also

now I talked about this but children

were getting killed children were

getting killed and I was you know the

body that I saw the first day that was

not the only body that I saw and I and

the boy was not the only boy that I saw

killed so children were getting killed

there were seven children at the time

five years that I was there seven

children personally witnessed I know

that these things were going on but I

was around or personally wasn’t

witnessed seven children

and I knew that when you are favored by

a perpetrator there’s always a danger

that when he drops you that you’re going

to be killed because you become a

problem or you may become a problem so I

knew that it was very device always very

very careful like knowing too much yes

you have information on them and their

vulnerabilities and they feel right like

the American right they felt they’ve

made themselves vulnerable to you so now

you may know too much I think so no I

think so I’ve heard another survivor say

that it was because they were afraid you

would then go and talk because you were

jealous when you were upset but I always

had questions about that maybe maybe

that too maybe there’s oh there was

always certainly the fear that we would

go and talk but in reality no one wanted

to hear anyway so I’m not sure they were

very very blatant and sort of the fact

of the extreme nature of what they were

doing was the best the best coverage no

one would believe it now we’re just

creeping up on a time where people are

starting to be willing to fathom and

again that’s why you know what you have

to say right thank goodness that this is

a time because it’d be very difficult

never to be able to be heard yeah but I

didn’t expect when I didn’t expect to be

heard I should say that because I wasn’t

heard in many years the norm was that I

was not gonna be heard and that there I

just feel like I didn’t actually have a

lot of situations because I would just

feel that this person is not they’re not

gonna they’re not gonna hear it so don’t

even

don’t even go there so I spoke very

little about it even many therapists

don’t really believe it so and I did

have a therapist once say that they

didn’t believe me yeah and but so first

of all this was a dangerous man he was

like me but he was dangerous no he

respected me because I had to fight him

and

after six months well I did start it

that I started it because my mother got

got in between a little bit she got all

excited about it she got all excited

about this when she saw him in passing

she was picking me up and he was

dropping me off literally so she saw him

she got all excited and I he had started

to tell me that my mother was no good

offering himself as you know the better

the better substitute me so I told her

she was no good and then she she started

she wanted to punish me and you know she

had no boundaries so I was severe

she stopped giving me food basically no

more food and then I was getting taken

to a place where this this gangster

never was I was still being abused

getting well took about a month a month

of no food and I was actually I would

steal some food when I could but she

wasn’t feeding me and

and then something-something occurred

something strange occurred with a girl

who was the daughter of the contact

person the countess who was the contact

person who called my mother up was

basically telling her where to bring me

a girl that was in school but this girl

was also abused in the network even

though she wasn’t a slave but she was

but she was from the bloodline she was

Irish socratic but she was being abused

publicly also with these orgies and she

had been abused by by her father and she

was very little that’s clear and this

girl it was difficult with her because

we were friends in regular life and then

in a network not so much so for me if I

didn’t have the men like me then I don’t

always got be gotten rid of and that

always meant death for her it didn’t

really mean that but it was always

difficult with her because there was a

lot of all right I didn’t think I was

competitive but there was competition I

think yeah and then V and I don’t think

she had a sense of her enos itself

either you know I think she had been

abused very early on she had actually

there was a physical evidence of it it’s

the first time she brought me to her

house she played a sexual game that we

played a sexual game and so she put a

pencil up her vagina were three years

old

she put a pencil up her vagina it went

all the way up so I tried didn’t go up

and I didn’t understand so she had

already her hymen had already been

broken so in retrospect I realized that

even at age 3 she’d already been reek so

she was very much

in need of the male attention in a way

like taking debt is like that’s the only

thing I’ve got that’s that’s it

and and so I was I stood in her way

and she set up a rape with boys from the

outside she she set me up to get raped

she was there she led me to the place

and then left and then these three boys

were there they raped me and one of the

and there’s more to this it was all very

complex it was about a very specific

thing that she was doing that for and I

had had to do with finding out that

there was no sex but I wasn’t getting

raped by the big gangster right a young

man that all the girls wanted you know

because he was good-looking

so she found that I had revealed that

information to her so she was gonna get

me real

maybe show me what I was missing or some

but it was clearly about that it was in

response to that and one of the boys who

was there who raped me he was 14 and he

I connected with him and he was sorry

afterwards and he wanted to see me again

and we you know he apologized and he

wanted to take care of me and he got rid

of the other boys and I connected very

deeply with this 14 year old boy who

seemed really big to me and again I was

just around my 11th birthday now so God

had happened and so and then I had been

raped again but I hadn’t been raped for

six months in the network and then I was

taken to this other place by my mother

where again I didn’t think I found out

later the men who raped me there was

high place official in a world power

never thought to even look him up until

you know it just dawned on me just well

and there he was hmm but once I saw the

best gangster again I gave myself to him

I feel so guilty that I’d liked somebody

else and I gave myself to him and once

it’s as soon as that started he started

his play playing out of his drama and

then had made him you know killer that

he was so that was very extremely the

abuse was very extreme my betrayals were

very extreme and there was a big lead up

because there was you know even though I

was cautious

I was also you know I didn’t have a lot

of options and when I came to love that

there well there was a lot more

reflection there than I was getting at

home

he was seeing things that are we’re not

being seen he saw and there was a sense

of humor intelligence that and beauty

that all things that my mother never

reflected so there was a lot there that

I needed so there was a lot of

attachment and then the abuse was

extreme extreme physical abuse slept

with my mother in front of me just

completely

stabbed me

and took me to the south of France to

have me heal from the Sun because it was

he meant it as a romantic thing so that

I would have something to remember him

by he stabbed me in the back of the knee

and that’s he has a slight limp Ian he

had been stabbed in the back of the knee

at one point so he perpetuated his

trauma onto me and well like all abusers

but more intensely there is a this

there’s always a there’s always a

contract even though you’re a child I

mean I’m speaking contracting that maybe

they’re the psychic sense there’s the

contract because the the abusers are

always looking at some kind of a part of

themselves the part that they need to

reject or a part that they need to

vilify or need to think it’s dirty it’s

all about you know what they have to

shun from their own consciousness that

they are afraid is there and they’re

afraid that it’s there because it has

one time been imposed and so that child

self becomes I become the physical

representation of that aspect of

themselves so with him it was just

elongated and it was just very intense

of his own I mean he stabbed me in the

backs of the knees twice once I was this

romantic thing and he took me to the

South of France and on the Mediterranean

and had time there to heal and the

second time it wasn’t anger and

he started to reveal a little by little

because he was still young enough his

own trauma that that was what he

actually stabbed me in the back of knees

in the same house that did that happened

to him in his parents house where he was

living by his father who had found him

with his mother in bed and blamed him

because he was already raping his son so

he was getting raped by both parents

separately and when his father found him

and his murder he ran after him and

wanted to kill him and maimed him and

then that father literally drove him to

his first um as a child like Bank bank

robbery like he drove his son to the

bank yeah yeah and then he was caught he

got caught he robbed the bank actually

tried to rob the bank he did you didn’t

he robbed the bank he was caught and his

father was also caught but his father

was led off and he went to jail so this

father was constantly making his son

wanted his son to be the bad guy very

badly obviously and he could be the good

a good guy sorry there’s a lot of layers

there yeah I got very deep with this

person he’s the one that rescued me so

it had reached its zenith I was supposed

to be killed but that’s the final you

know rejection and he rejected me that

was in the house this was the house it

was the house of the bus of the network

who was there it was the early stages of

an orgy there were children there but it

was not in that context yet it was early

there were just a few people there but I

was taken to a handler he was an

important person he was always the

middle man he was not

just like the other ones he was sort of

in charge of the other ones hobnobbing

with the big shots that he was a

businessman so I was delivered to him

and he started to – you know he was sort

of happy could finally get mad I was

always a problem

I was always considered a problem for

speaking up or you know and that’s not

following perfectly alone so he was

happy to be rid of me and so the first

thing he did is he grabbed me by the

hand like that and then he he put out a

cigarette on my on my arm so that’s this

this scar here when I stretched my arm

out it becomes like a line but it was he

had grabbed me this way and then put out

the cigarette oh it was more here than

and as this happened the gangster

standing there and he’s laughing at me

like don’t count on me and I was once

again you know taken over by some higher

power and I just straightened myself I

never felt this happened my

consciousness was just completely

merging with his and the thought was I

don’t need you and it was completely

locked again in this energetic lock with

this person and I saw him being very

like the first time he was moved there

was and I thought I’d gotten through but

I was so I’m being I’m being tortured by

one man yes

but the gangsters standing there and

he’s looking at me and he’s laughing and

that’s the person I’m connecting with

while I’m being tortured and I’m not

feeling the torture there’s been some

confusion about that yeah so he so he

was kind of sad

you anymore and I said that but then

yeah this is when you told oh well he

was much much worse than that yeah yeah

he rejected me I mean it was all

repetition there was even things that

didn’t make sense like how he was

yelling at me when he was rejecting me

when he was kicking me out of the room

we were in

it was strutting he was talking about

strutting which is something that he did

he said it was an arrogant whore there

was nothing worse than an arrogant whore

there’s these things that he was saying

though that were at one point he used

the male term you know he was just like

repeating and but I felt it definitely I

took it and I felt it but then then he

was present there and he was laughing

like you know don’t count on me and then

I shot back and I defied him once again

and this again does Defiance touched him

and he well I was taken away I was taken

away so there was one adult and then

they were children the children were

made to take me I was so my I don’t

remember how I my clothes were taken off

but right I was taken naked – so this

politician who is the boss of the

network there was a room in his house a

small room that had a very large

butcher’s block this – made sense later

on when I found out when I found out how

this man had started up it made sense

that he would have a butcher’s block so

there was a butcher large butcher’s

block and that had straps in it and I

was strapped onto this butcher’s block

now there’s one adult there who really

wants me to suffer and then there’s

fourth I keep thinking four or five but

I think it was four children that were

there the girl the daughter of the

aristocrats she was originally there but

she was not in the room

the four children who were there were

not they’re not part of the family so

they were being indoctrinated so they

were being made to do this so that they

would become Naumann used to and feel

like they’re perpetrators and they are

guilty so they were made to torture me

and I got very very high right away and

I got and some I’ve had a lot of help

spiritually over the years things that

happened and I’d seen light and my dad

reassurances and benign feeling and

benign presence and very loving presence

so there’s a lot of help and there to

just immediately

I was completely hi and I get to see

everything as energy and every you know

there was just energetic forms and I was

completely blissed-out for a while for a

while in the beginning so there’s the

maybe the the body reaction to the

trauma where you in the Free State and

then whatever the cortisol that’s

released in the system and so forth so

there was definitely that was also

happening but also the spiritual

sensation of seeing everything as

energetic beings no good or bad just and

forms of energy and light and so the the

children were made to torture me but I

didn’t feel for a longest time I didn’t

but I felt it but I wasn’t I didn’t have

a the maybe the human consciousness of

the ego of like I’m oh this is happening

and it’s hurting it wasn’t really like

that I felt it but I don’t feel like my

ego was getting in the way right there

wasn’t really and I was really high so I

felt it but I didn’t really

bothered me even though there were there

were definitely you know you can see

they’re there I mean and and it’s it’s

all over my body so they were using

various smile things there was a creep

under the bitch’s block that had these

smile instruments in it like a penknife

a corkscrew a fishhook there was a belt

with with nails that was sort of bread

around my arm so the nails on the inside

various tools there was an apple core

apple core that the man used that was

painful so I was strapped down and for

some reason it seems to go very quickly

and I’m starting to think that I didn’t

get through to this man and it’s going

very quickly like I’m there’s completely

covered with blood and the man was

somehow he got in as things progressed

and I was just getting completely cut up

he got the idea that my right foot

should be cut off he there was one boy

there he sent the boy the boy had the

fishhook he sent the boy official Kent

it was scary because it would go under

the skin first and then pull it if you

sent the boy off to get a cleaver to

hack off my foot

so I could hobble around he said so you

can hobble around like your boyfriend

meaning the gangster who so and then I

started to slowly he got in a bad mood

and I didn’t really understand why he

was in a bad mood I thought he was very

happy to get rid of me and I didn’t

understand why he was in a bad mood and

I had this question and I started to

lose the high and I started to feel that

I’m not ready and started to feel afraid

he does

I did to turn me around because I was

too bloody on the front so he just undid

the straps the thing the thing that

happened the last thing that happened is

the youngest girl there he was starting

to threaten the children like if they

didn’t he was in a bad mood so he

started to say if you don’t you know

you’re next if you’re not gonna and she

had the penknife and she was supposed to

to stab me and so they had undid and did

the strap in my arm was like that and he

was pushing her to stab me and she was

scared and her fear was the scariest

thing to me that her hesitation so she

she she she she did it and then she got

scared and she let go and the knife was

sticking in my my arm and he got angrier

and angrier and she got scared really

scared and so when she pulled it out she

twisted it and then suddenly I felt that

and I felt everything all over and

suddenly the itching the itching of the

blood dripping everywhere it just became

completely unbearable I couldn’t my

nerves just follow walk all at once and

I got really scared and suddenly now

they’re turning me around and there’s

like this black but the wood is black

because the there’s been so many you

know I figure there’s so many children

that have died here and I’m next and I

don’t feel ready and I’m just thinking

of all the children that have died but

there was nobody to love them I thought

that in that moment there’s nobody to

love there’s nobody to love me and

there’s nobody to love those children

enough for them to even live and I

became pretty desperate and very

desperate

and then the door opened and I’m

thinking now there’s the boy with the

cleaver now they’re gonna hack off my

foot but it was somebody else it was one

of the friends of the boss who said it’s

over and the handler was in disbelief he

said no you can’t you can’t be serious

he said yep that’s it you can all go and

he the handler said no she’s gonna give

us turtle

and there was she had no power there so

he and the children left and I was just

left there by myself in the room

then I realized that one of the children

had brought my clothes and I realized

this again this bond that we couldn’t

express but it was really there and I

just broke out in tears and I saw the

clothes there I’m realizing we were

connected where there was such a sweet

gesture to bring my clothes they could

have left them where they’d taken him

off you know but this child had picked

them up and brought them over so I just

really appreciated that and I was just

so grateful grateful for that and

gesture and then I was just grateful for

everything it was very hard to get down

I was in really bad shape full of holes

and it was not easy to put my clothes on

because I was in such bad shape and

I made my way

I was the bathroom there I try to clean

myself up and it was very difficult to

look at myself because I was really in

very bad shape

and I didn’t look like I was gonna

suffer I didn’t look like I was gonna

live much longer and I went outside I

shuffled outside and my jeans I wore

again I was so I had such gratitude for

everything

I might my I wore I hadn’t loose jeans

bell-bottom jeans so I was so grateful

that they were loose and my t-shirt you

know was whatever I was but the they

were getting stained and everything was

so and I walked out I saw I saw the

gangster he had a girl with him and he

was basically had this girl he was

having he was raping that girl right

there but it didn’t do anything to me it

was just not I wasn’t really there was

something else he put her down and he

sent her off and he came to me and he

said I was waiting for you and he guided

me and I was just again grateful petit

was waiting that he had been waiting I

didn’t know

I was taken to an office there’s the

boss of the network the gangster the

friend who had stopped and it was like a

lawyer time and a girl she was there

this girl was maybe nine years old eight

or nine I think nine I hadn’t seen her

before I remember what she looks like

now the boss of the network starts to

speak and he says you know so you were

saved you were let go you’re gonna be

let go but we don’t just do that you

know we don’t just do that here you

can’t just leave someone has to die so I

said is it gonna be you or is it gonna

be her and that was the girl was there

and I had been through things like that

before with animals so it wasn’t about

it wasn’t a real question like I knew it

wasn’t a question it was more about what

do they want and how can I just do what

they need me to do most effectively so

that there’s the least amount of energy

and time wasted and that it could be

what may be the most humane so I try to

tune in like what was this what what do

they want

so the gangster was standing against and

he was like flipping his foot he was

like flipping it so I’m just getting

this attention of this foot flipping and

there’s something like he wants me to

know and I think oh he was he wanted me

to be jealous he wanted me to be jealous

he wants me to he wants me to say that

it’s her

it’s I should say it’s hard be should be

killed because he he did that for that

reason I realized he did that in front

of me so that I would be jealous and I

would want her dead and I’m getting that

I wasn’t jealous at all but I thought

that

so I said her and he said the boss is

well and you’re gonna you’re gonna you

you’re gonna have to kill her and then I

thought I could you know I’d rather go

myself I’m barely alive you know it

wasn’t it’s not like I’m like I knew I

didn’t want to do that I’ve never wanted

to live after I did it and then I just

thought just for a second I mean I

didn’t really think it through like an

adult but it was just something that I

knew from what I’d experienced that if

I’d said I’m not doing it that she would

have been killed in front of me

probably in a worse way to show me to

punish me if that was always definitely

going to happen

so I realized that it would be the most

humane that I do it and that there’s no

way that she’s going to survive tonight

either way

so the the gangster took me to a

bathroom again to try to clean me up and

I saw look for a moment and then he just

saw me and he just wondered if I was

gonna live and I you know he tried to

cover it but I I saw it too and he drove

me to a house like a villa outside of

Brussels and there were the regulars

were there too so these are all Belgians

Belgians of Frenchmen that are that are

in the Belgian section of the network

the the boss was also there and when we

arrived I noticed that he the gangster

had always gotten a lot of respect and I

noticed that they’re sort of derisive of

him that they’re like not not caring so

much about about him and they’re sort of

laughing at him and I immediately sensed

the difference and I’m not sure what’s

going on when we are led into a an old

dentist’s office that was the walls were

knocked out in it but there was a

dentist chair there and the girl was

tied up to the dentist’s chair and so

the night was

and the girl was tortured I was made to

torture her I was being taught how to

torture because they were getting off on

it and I was the gangster was always

verbal taught me that I should strike

but being a tournament with her so that

I would get the electrical shock that

she was feeling in empathically and that

is then the sexual arousal but I didn’t

have any and any feelings towards that

girl for any desire certainly but also

any Envy at all all right you know for

jealousy I didn’t this didn’t exist and

I didn’t have that reaction but I did

you know do what I was made made to do

and then he gave me tons of coke where

he was doing a lot of coke he gave me a

tons of coke we would go off in the

corner and I overheard men saying that

he had sold his life and for what for

that little whore and I was just

starting to question him and I realized

that he made a deal while I was being

tortured he made a deal with the boss

that he was going to work for them work

for him I was just the left hand man

whatever he was going to be at his

service so he lost his power in the

network because it became a servant of

this boss

for my life but then there was also a

sense that I wasn’t supposed to survive

anyway so this is a very long this is

not really an overview but I can say

that I went through the experience I did

kill the girl I got myself into the

space where the girl was completely not

there anymore I walked around and I just

started to remember all the things that

I had been through all the ways in which

I’d been made to feel powerless all the

men that had raped me not one that had

stopped himself and then I started to

think about my mother and my mother who

had just never ever shown me any kind of

any love at all and I just started to

get aroused in that way and when I

struck I had been told that I should

slit her throat and I struck her in the

belly and even in the moment that I

struck it became this incredible

incredibly dense moment where I felt a

release and all the powerlessness that

it made me feel so frustrated but all

this energy was still there and all the

anger was still there

there was this channel this offer to

channel it in this way in this most

destructive way but in that moment there

was this complete release and I felt the

I felt what a baby should feel I felt

innocence been completely powerful in

this dense dense moment of the strike

itself

and and I struck an and I hear I heard a

scream and then I realized that was me

screaming as I did it and I struck it in

the belly and that was I knew I didn’t

like wanted to strike myself and my

mother’s belly as an as an as a fetus

I just wanted to had wanted to kill

myself and my mother’s belly and I fell

to the floor and I started to leave the

body and I started to the census started

to revert and I was very happy to go

and well it wasn’t finished there was a

an awareness in the room that I had to

well the gangster was crying next to me

for a little while but then something

happened and I got this there was this

light in front of me this beautiful warm

round Sun and I was getting all this

information and as I had before and I

was getting all this information through

that light and I was made aware that she

wasn’t able to die that she wasn’t dead

that she wasn’t able to die and that the

gangster who was the only person left in

the room he wasn’t going to do it he was

too scared so I had this I I had this

this thing put in front of me like you

have to go back because you have to help

her and I resisted it I didn’t want to I

really wanted to leave because I thought

if I’d died then the gangster is off the

hook with this with this boss the

politician and he doesn’t have to work

for him and then he will be free and

that’s my romantic idea that I’m going

to die and then he’s gonna be free and

he’s gonna be saved but I had to come

back to help the girl so I broke through

the resistance and I mental yes

just everything reverted started to

reverse because I had already lost like

since the census had started to revert

and last certain taste the sensitive

sensation of the tongue in the mouth and

everything had lost everything and it

was reversed it was coming back and I

crawled I I crawled over to her she was

on the floor too and then I was in a

divine space there

like it wasn’t me there was a girl she

was afraid to go because she was she

said she was afraid that she wouldn’t be

that she would stop existing and I I

assured her went completely channeling

is not at all me that she would continue

to exist that she would be her and that

she was lucky that she could grow and I

was gonna have to stay and she was lucky

to go and I rubbed her here I don’t know

why it just came naturally I just rubbed

her in between the eyebrows and she she

she passed and and then this light came

over me and then I went and I went and I

had let say an audience on the other

side of the ether

and there was a different realm beyond

the physical and I saw my teacher and I

was immediately I was greeted with a

joke there was something very ironic and

that was that was immediately addressed

and this play of light and dark you know

I was given how given this experience

now so that I would know what to strive

for and also some information and I

asked about the girl I said none of your

business really but she’s okay you know

she just went through a very difficult

test she’s lying

some questions some answers I’m not so

from cryptic and then returned and I

don’t know how much time passed but it

was my body was clean I was glowing at

least five pounds heavier the runes were

dry and clean

so one question with regards to your

personal journey which we’re talking

about and you’re there healing in

particular how does one deal with having

to take someone’s life and how do you

heal from them right I’m not sure if

I’ll ever heal completely from it I did

carry this burden though very very

strongly for most of my life and that

was the purpose for me to carry that

because I couldn’t speak out for example

the strongest reason one of the

strongest reasons why it was not so much

because I would be killed but it was

because I thought that I would be called

out as a perpetrator because I felt that

I was because I at 11 years old I was

given the choice and I had taken a life

so I had obviously worked in therapy I

had heard some good people tell me that

I was a victim too and I didn’t believe

it I wanted to believe them but I didn’t

believe it so it wasn’t until 2013

writing writing about the experience

again and suddenly I suddenly put it

together there were certain little

things that were missing from the memory

and in particular what I remembered is

what I had always done in the network

and I’d always thought about the way to

do the action that I was made to do that

I knew it wasn’t a choice and was made

to do it in the way that would cause the

least harm and then in this situation

that least Harmon

that I should kill her and I realized

that it wasn’t the guilt I had to guilt

complex I lived with this vast guilt

complex that everything that I ever did

or said I always went back and thought I

must have done something wrong in it so

it’s not introspection it’s a guilt

complex just constantly going back over

every little interaction I couldn’t

really function very well because I was

always you know any you know somebody

wouldn’t call back and I would worry

that I’d done something to upset them

you know and I wouldn’t maybe even ask

them and then maybe say no not at all

you know and there’s nothing to it you

basically but that just hung over my

life like it like a cloud for most of so

13 I was well I was it was right before

I was 49 it was right before my 50th

birthday so from 11 to 49 I held that I

had this tremendous guilt complex and

then when I when I understood fully

understood that I had to had to

internally believe it you know so once

that happens it was the birth I call it

the birth of self-esteem when I knew

that it’s not my fault but to take a

life I did that anyway you know that’s I

went through that action of taking that

life I think of this girl everyday you

know I know what she looked like I

I haven’t felt anything or anything but

I think of her every day and I am

thinking of small ways rituals to honor

the children that were killed in the

network the ones that I saw and ones

that I didn’t see and what what of your

experience let’s say your spiritual

experience of having heard some

confirmation that she is safe at that

time mm-hmm that’s a different room yeah

so yes I in that moment

I I wanted to know I heard that then so

it’s the spiritual in that sense it’s

separate as long as we’re in the body

and working out you just have to work

that’s psychology yeah go back and and

and really know it by feeling it right

so I don’t feel guilty today about it I

actually feel that because of that

experience I understand

killers I understand how they would

become addicted to that moment right I

understand it and I understand the

projection I understand that so this

girl when I struck she wasn’t that girl

at all so in the biggest sense you have

to dissociate and you have to project

onto the victim in order to do what you

do so that had been done to me but now I

was doing it and so she wasn’t that girl

at all she was my mother and then she

was me at the essence of it it was I was

killing myself

and that insanity is necessary to kill I

think this is a great time to take a

break I know it’s been hard for you guys

I know okay so I have to say that when I

first watched these first two parts

after we had filmed them and even the

rest of our team when we watched these

these parts everyone had some pretty

visceral sort of feelings or reactions

that came up after watching this whole

thing you know there’s a lot of stuff

that gets covered she’s obviously been

through such an incredible like

something that that you just you almost

can’t even put into words it’s

unbelievable what experiences she has

had leading up to this point in her life

especially when obviously when she was a

child and was going through this stuff

and that brings up a lot of stuff

because what you begin to feel is that

this stuff is real this stuff does

happen in our world and this is

happening through the people that we

just would not imagine are doing this

sort of stuff the people that we put in

positions of power and so forth and a

lot of this is starting to come down

we’re seeing a lot of different things

happen but you know this is really

humanity facing a dark aspect of itself

that we need to face that we need to

move through and so you may be feeling a

lot of different things as we go through

this and as we look at this and so we

wanted to really encourage we wanted to

really push for if you are feeling a lot

of different stuff as I did when I first

watched this I actually went and I

meditated right afterwards for about 20

or 25 minutes just processing the

different things that I had heard and

what it had brought up because that’s

important right when we watch something

in it bring something forward it’s put

us to observe it’s for us to understand

what am I feeling with this what am i

understanding because what were what

we’re going through as we see this stuff

is not just stuff that we’re feeling

within ourselves that’s part of it

that’s a big part of it right when we

hear this we feel this stuff within

ourselves right because it touches on so

many different aspects of lack of

empowerment or what it is that we choose

to support or the darker aspects of

humanity and thus ourselves right all

these different things but we’re also

going to be going through and processing

some of what the collective feels and

believe

around this stuff because we are all

tapped into that collective

consciousness so it’s important for us

to do this individual work here as we

observe and as we hear these stories and

really move through some of the

different emotions and different aspects

of humanity that are being asked to be

moved through at this time as we go

through this stuff so if it’s helpful

you know take a few moments 20 minutes

or whatever you feel an hour you know

write out some of the stuff you’re

feeling really explore this have a

conversation with someone that you may

have watched this with or perhaps you

you say hey so check out these videos to

a friend or something like that and and

you guys can chat it out after don’t

just kind of bury the emotions or

pretend that they’re not there or maybe

not want to face them I this is a very

very important aspect to this entire

thing and it’s why we chose to release

this interview and do it the way we did

and it’s also why we chose to to sort of

look at annika story as a whole because

her wisdom through this is truly the one

of the biggest antidotes to the Cabal

and from an emotional point of view

right this is it’s very very important

what she shares as we go through this

and we’re gonna get into that a lot more

in part three and part four but below

this video you’re going to see a link in

the description to a meditation that you

can do and you can download that’ll just

help us kind of create a little bit of

space a little bit of guidance to open

up the doors to to kind of process a

little further what we just hold so we

highly encourage that to to go through

that because you know again we don’t

want to see just kind of the failings

come up and then we just kind of bury

them we want to want to take the time to

go through this and obviously we know

and we recognize that what was just seen

was quite intense and we don’t want the

perception of oh that’s just negative to

be placed on this because it’s this is

much more important than than trying to

view it in that manner but actually

viewing it for what it truly is so we’ll

catch you in part three and part 4 where

we begin to go through the entire

healing journey the healing process that

Anika went through and this is where

things get I mean aside from the

intensity of the story this is where

things get really really important on a

consciousness level so be sure to check

those ones out

Appendix 3

okay so welcome to part three

here in part three we’re gonna start

getting into the journey that annika

went through as she began to

go through the healing process go

through the ev the aftermath if you will

of everything that sort of came after

how she went from you know going through

an incredibly

challenging period incredibly

challenging time

in her life to ultimately getting where

she is today which

as you can see in the interview yes

there’s some still some emotions and

stuff like that but

for the most part she is incredibly well

sort of stable and at a state of peace

about what has taken place which is

insanely inspiring when you begin to go

through and you

you pay attention to the rest of this

journey here which we’ll talk about a

little bit further as

as we get to the end of part four but

for now let’s dive into part three and

really start seeing how this all

sort of came together afterwards so we

left off before taking a break

um with this amazing story which i’d

love to talk to you about for hours

and hopefully we get back to it in some

capacities

this was as far as i understand pretty

much the end of your involvement with

the network but you can

can you tell us what came after and then

we’ll move forward from there

yes so

he he told me to wait outside there was

a body in the room

so i waited outside i remember

sitting under an evergreen tree it was

october

of 1974 and i remember

enjoying the breath

just these very basic things

became very poignant

and empty

he drove me home

and on the way home it was raining

it was just pre-dawn ripers

and he told me everything that i should

do in my life

he told me instructions and the first

one was

that i should never become a prostitute

that i should never sleep with anyone

for anything that i should never take

any money

um that i should never become a drug

addict that i should never

do anything to get drugs that i could

take drugs only if they’re given to me

but i should never do anything to get

them

i should not become an alcoholic i

should have maybe one glass i’m

11 years old i should have maybe one

glass or two a night no more

no heavy liquor stay away from the

liquors

i should get out of this country we’re

in belgium

he said you have to get out of this

country you don’t want to be here in the

80s

you’re going to get out as soon as you

can go to

london paris new york you’re going to go

to new york

and he said you’re going to go

back home you got to stay home with your

parents but you’re going to get

out as soon as you can just um

just stay there until you know you’re

old enough to leave

um he told me you have to get married

he said you can’t

you should not marry an older man who

made his own fortune

you should marry someone who’s younger

around your age who comes from a wealthy

family

preferably a family of new york bankers

that’s what he said now he was thinking

about a particular perpetrator

and that family now but i did

have these these

instructions with me i carried them with

[Music]

he said you should never speak about the

network if you ever say anything

then we’re going to come after you and

we’re going to find you and kill you

so that was also very clear

i think those are the main ones

and he drove me home

[Music]

i reconnected with him emotionally

sexually one last time

so that i i think intuitively to make

sure that i would

take those instructions very much to

heart

and and he

he then told me his whole story

his personal story of being abused being

raped by

not he didn’t call it rape but he

basically

very shamefully uh said that

his father had stabbed him in the back

of the knee

as he had me and that

his father had found him with his mother

and that

i guess he felt betrayed by him and so

he had this

this carried this thing on his shoulders

always that he’s a traitor

and then he did betray me

and he betrayed his friends and he did

that but he also

had that had that imposed on him by his

his father who called him a traitor for

sleeping with his mother when he was 12

years old

so he gave me drugs

to deal with my mother in the following

weeks because he figured that she would

be angry

and so he gave me some opioid sleeping

pills and everything and he said again

don’t take too much you can only take

half a day no more

um but i um and then he

let he sent me he basically let me go

i needed the drugs with my mother

and she actually tried to take me back

one last time

she did take me back one last time

behind

behind the back of the bosses clearly

and to a group of

extremely

sadistic aristocrats

that i i had seen one before i knew that

children did not make it through the

night with them

and they were

they she took me there it was in the

kitchen of a castle it was

after a hunt in daytime and their prey

was lying on the floor and um

the subject came up that i was a freebie

and that it was said that my mother

just couldn’t help herself that i wasn’t

supposed to be used anymore

and one of the men there that i’ve not

seen before

but i’ve recognized since as a a

european

um aristocrat

and said well she wants us

my mother wants us to do her dirty work

for her

i’m not going to be part of this he left

and another man left with him two other

men left with him

two men stayed i was abused again

and that was the last time that i was

taken to the network

then i

stayed home until i was 15 16 years old

i wasn’t home very much

i left school when i was 15.

i started having trouble at school to

middle school i doubled it

twice actually the eight ninth grade i

guess i doubled twice

i left

i left my parents when i was 16.

i lived with a man was you know was

actually called sex trafficking today

he was uh in his thirties and

um i

left him and then left the country

i was 18 i think when i left the country

i went first went to the south of france

where i had originally wanted to escape

um then i moved from there to london

i lived there then i moved to paris

and then i moved to new york so all the

state the cities that he had

named like thinking out loud i went and

lived in all of them and then i

i landed in new york and you were by

yourself

and and how did you had money

to no no i just found work

everywhere menial jobs actually

there because i was so centralized i

attracted men very strongly so there

were a lot of offers that i didn’t take

so there was a lot of modeling offers

and

that i just didn’t um i didn’t feel

comfortable first of all in front of

it’s been a long journey to feel

okay in front of a camera because there

were so many cameras used

when i was a child and

um so i could not get over that trauma

but also this idea that i should hide

because he was a gangster you know so i

should hide i should not speak

and then not speaking was like i should

be small

i should keep myself really small so i

just had menial jobs i did you know i

was always good with languages so i

would

be do secretarial work or

[Music]

and i just made my way made my way

um to new york

and

where i’d been taken where i’d been

trafficked before so there were things

that were coming back but

i couldn’t believe it i started to

remember

things i’m a young adult now and

the images come back but i can’t believe

and so it gets pushed back or

every time something comes back i start

to think oh

if that’s true i’m going to kill myself

that was

rather common like

if that’s true and there was this it was

maybe repetitive sometimes some images

came back

then i’m going to kill myself so i’m

trying to understand

when you when you when you left belgium

let’s say

you only had partial memories no

memories really

no memories so you had gotten

the advice from him to and then to

remember him you didn’t even remember

him

no so you went through a period of

somehow the

long period but but i mean to say

the

i like during the during the time

during the time period we talked about

also you didn’t really have any memories

of something that had happened you know

six months before

your before often yes and so when i met

the gangster who was asking me i just

answered and in answering

i started remembering so i had certain

memories

when he was asking me questions about

things came back then but yes in

the network certainly i know i did not

remember things

and was there some programming for you

not to remember things as part of

yeah yeah that was the whole point i

think the dissociation that happens

through trauma is part of the

training and um to

get into an altar and then in the altar

goes and

pleases the man and sexually that was

definitely

i mean that was always there

through the abuse itself but then there

was also the actual training

in germany that was very specifically

working with all this

um precise knowledge about how trauma

works and how dissociation works and

how alters can be called out

through cues

do you feel like you had alters

specifically sure

yeah i had alters and i had certain cues

not through the network because i wasn’t

connected anymore i’d been rejected by

the one

and then i’d been put out taken taken

out rescued

by the other so i

um i didn’t have actual cues to go and

please men anymore

from the network like certain people

that i know

they got they would get a call and then

there’d be you know

the voice would say a word and they

would go and do

go certain places and knew what they had

to do so that was never my case but

sometimes things were triggered

through certain cues internal or

external and i would

go into a certain program and all quite

unconsciously really

okay so you’re in new york

and how old were you when you got to new

york i was in my uh

20s early 20s 23

1985

although it’s possible that it was 1984

because i think the challenger exploded

right

after i got here okay

so i i lived here for several years then

i went to los angeles for a class and

stayed there and after

some time there i started going to

therapy

and soon after i started therapy

i broke through something

something was broken through and i

started to cry and i just cried and

cried and cried for three weeks

because i and i felt that for the first

time in my adult life i found something

real

and this was not something that had been

repressed that was something later on

that had happened that this person was

abusive and

i had was protecting them i didn’t see

it as abusive

so in the tears i felt

there’s something real here so i wanted

to start exploring

so i started to go into deeper into

therapy i really

liked therapy i really liked

the concept um

and then i went to several therapists i

or circumstances i didn’t really fire

everybody but

that i just knew that i couldn’t go

farther i could go this far but no

farther i couldn’t really

i started getting more and more

flashback racks of the network

but i didn’t have any context for it

because i never heard of anything like

that

that was just i think in the early 90s i

started to hear about it with

they called it satanic panic but in the

80s

i don’t think i wasn’t i never saw

anything i just didn’t know where this

could be coming from how

how this could possibly be true

and and then

um so there were more and more

flashbacks but i just

try to just push them back because every

time i had a flashback i also had a

suicide program i had a message that i

should just kill myself and then these

messages started becoming quite

persistent

of how i should kill myself and it

became but i never wanted to go there

was a clear resistance to to it as well

but then

i moved back to new york

in 97

and it was

i was already back in new york when i

found out about the dutyquest in belgium

right and this was right when i was

looking for

a therapist at the time and the

tool case was suddenly giving me the

context of my experiences

and people had already come forward and

it was already at a place

i think i found out about it when the

magistrate who was going to

who who was sincere and who said he’s

going to

get to the bottom of this he was already

taken off the case

and so i knew that nothing was going to

happen

so i never even considered testifying

for the little case and all the

testimonies because

people did come forward and specifically

one woman regina luff whose

experience was very similar to mine um

as extreme similar people even

involved and of course i was before

duterte was involved he’s more my age

so i was sold before he was old enough

to be active

but she had seen him

and she started remembering a lot as she

was testifying

so she was very raw but no

you know the support system were the the

cops that were listening to her

but those cops were thrown off the case

as well right

so the two case gave me this

context but i still couldn’t really

quite believe it

well he himself was saying that there is

a ring

he said that at first yes afterwards he

said no

oh okay yeah when he was first caught he

said that he was just the small and that

he was

he had friends in high places yeah yeah

that would protect him which clearly

he was somewhat protected um but also

30 30 people there’s a book out about 30

people that were killed that had some

evidence leading to the existence of the

network

and all the testimonies relating to the

the network were cut off from

the trial that took eight years

to come forward to to come to trial so

when 2004

by that time um well i distanced myself

from belgium a lot obviously and

that country well they’ve got something

to deal with there that

it’s not being dealt with there’s the

the people went back into demaio

i think and maybe hopelessness when

nothing came up to the two case

but meanwhile i found a therapist who

even though she didn’t she wasn’t

an expert in this kind of work she was

open

and i started to

i started to get into the feeling the

feelings

so the horror

the horror of certain things that i’d

witnessed and that i’d experienced

but it was mostly the horror the pain

was mostly for others

not so much for myself it was for more

for the other children

and betrayals because i was so attached

to these

father figures and so just

to move from the perspective that they

were my father and that they were this

person who loved me so much

to move from that perspective of the

child

to the perspective of the adult who sees

the abuse

and who just takes everything into into

consideration

that is the journey of healing from the

child’s perspective

to connect with all the feelings that

have had to be

split off in order to keep that image

alive of that person

and then they split off feelings um

they have their own life disconnected

from the

from the source and then you know i was

constantly in some kind of

part of my trauma story always ex

re-experiencing these feelings but not

really

connected so with the therapy and the

specific connecting

uh of the feelings with the original

cause that into

when that happened when that uh when i

was

grieving in therapy for what had

actually happened

first of all i knew that it had happened

i didn’t have to wonder if it was real

or not

and and i also knew a lot more because i

understood i understood

i was learning you know everything i saw

everything that i had done before that

was separate you know how these feelings

had gone into other places

and i was seeing how i had been

repeating this

and i was seeing how i was now different

actually cellularly different from

the integration that was occurring that

didn’t just feel more whole but i was

actually a different person looking out

of different eyes

and people were responding to me

differently

and the bigger the pain and the

suffering

and the bigger the the issue

or the betrayal that i was working

through the bigger the change and the

integration afterwards

so i always felt this very spiritual

deeply spiritual work

and feel this growth and it’s

exponential i get to be

more myself i get to get a sense of who

i am

through it the petroleum versus what

i’ve tried to

impose the all the personas that i’ve

tried to take on

you’re talking about things that cannot

be described in words

right it’s true and we do our best yes

you know our own experiences that don’t

have words and to put words to them but

their words become pointers to say there

is such an experience

you you’re aware now there’s such an

experience though you’re not going to

have the experience by just hearing

about it

it’s going to be by going through it

exactly it’s not the knowledge that’s

conveyed

by passing along information it’s

experiential

and um it’s actually

the way through feeling so connecting

those

repressed feelings with their

psychological cause causes this

integration and the healing that i’m

talking about

and that is

so my my healing journey that’s been my

life

the insights that i received the wisdom

that came

from going through these

going through the pain feeling the pain

connected to

its origin the wisdom i received through

the suffering

because i could see that this is true

for me and i could then also see that

this is true for everyone who will be

going through this

now is it the feeling and being willing

to be present to the feeling or sit with

the feeling

that allows you to follow it through to

its source it’s original it can be

anything

like sitting with the feeling and being

with the feeling it sounds almost funny

because i would be

it was at times so dramatic so dark

so the tears were just um the

physical pain the physical endurance

needed to even

have the grief right because it’s so um

big um

but as opposed to running away from this

uncomfortable way and taking pills

i mean nothing against pills you know we

all need to

be able to balance ourselves somehow

i’ve never

taken medication i’ve never taken any

medication

obviously i had suffered from massive

depression

massive um i could have been diagnosed

probably as many

different things but i my therapist

bless her soul never really wanted to

diagnose me because she wanted to see me

as whole

that’s you know that’s the start of

the start of healing is when you have

someone who’s helping you who says

you just find the way you are right yes

you just find the way you are

and she was helping me she became that

reflection she became the mother that i

never had

or she became maybe an extension of the

original caretaker who was also

right sweet woman so there was

these qualities of humility and

sweetness and

acceptance and no judgment and

that um

like she could honor me for what i went

through

even if i couldn’t honor myself

and she became the safe person she was

very thorough very smart so

so she wouldn’t let anything pass or she

because she was thorough i started to

trust her

that’s how i picked her actually because

she was thorough she was

mindful and brought things through

and she wanted to honor your commitment

to feeling the feelings

and getting through them yes right yes

and she never had a question about

you know even though we were going to

these extremely dark places

there was never you know there was never

she never doubted it never doubt and

never

you know she’d never heard of it before

it was as it as you described it and

that’s how she handled it

and was this a well she helped me to

know also that it was real

through her reflection um

like she like

it takes a long time to really fully

because it’s gradual it’s a gradual

process so there’s always there would

always be this moment that

maybe it wasn’t real you know maybe it

was well maybe i made it all up

so she would always help me never

[Music]

never imposing anything right but just

to help me

you know get back to myself

and was this a psychotherapy yes yeah

this is classic psychotherapy and then i

some years later so i was already doing

yoga then

so um i was in therapy not with this

therapist but i was in therapy when i

started yoga

in the early 90s and i immediately felt

oh this is the physical therapy i’ve

always needed

because the breath of life the breath

and the movement alignment

so i used um so i wanted to use yoga but

i didn’t like the way it was

done it was

it wasn’t conducive to healing but i

knew that it was healing so i was doing

it anyway

and just getting over the obstacles

every time

of the ignorance of the teachers so

you’re talking about

like the typical westernization of yoga

and going into a studio

and it’s just all about postures and

posturing

which physical therapy i needed it was

great

but then i also entered um i was at

a bookstore in los angeles

and saw there a picture the picture of

the being

that i had seen when i was on the other

side

wow

and then that memory started to started

to come back

but again it was like no but familiar

and

best question man or woman i don’t know

that was always a question even on the

other side man or woman i don’t know

so that was paramahansa yogananda

speechless wow yeah

so i started to i read the book

the autobiography of yogi and i started

going to the i was turns out i was

living right by the temple

the hollywood temple at the time so i

started

the meditations there in

the early 90s and i had so i’m still on

that path

so that was the yoga like the raja yoga

the the path

and then there was hatha yoga which was

the the physical therapy except that it

was

that that there was a lot of confusion

in the hatha yoga world

what was spiritual and what was physical

so but with the guru that i had you know

i would just

see these other gurus and

their way falling back into the same

issue as the people who were so powerful

in my youth

and here are these these other people

who become gurus and who are

becoming addicted to the power yeah yeah

and i’ve always been uh prone to

wanting power because i didn’t have any

self-esteem

so without the self-esteem

uh well i studied earlier

before we were recording but without

self-esteem it’s really really difficult

to live

because self-esteem navigates you

through the world

and uh without without it which was me

for

the longest time no self-esteem

all there is the best way is when

there’s drugs you know to forget about

everything

and then there’s power which

is supported by everything in the world

like okay well now i’m somebody

um and that was offered in the beginning

through the

photo modeling and everything and then

it came in different ways it was always

somehow there

and i was also attracting men of power

just into my

sphere because of my past because they

were like oh there’s something there for

and like psychically like okay i’ll give

it to you

but not really because now i’m not i

don’t have to

so no um particular physical contact

with

people of power or fame you know kind of

the same a different version of the the

same addiction

um so i

i was always observing i felt like a spy

i was trained as a spy

um to find people’s weaknesses but now i

was always felt like i was a little bit

spying in sort of the power dynamics

looking at power dynamics and how people

respond differently around someone with

power

or how they respond differently to me

according to how they see me

right so

so in my own healing there were certain

people who were able to get through to

me so at first i was completely

shut off shut down as a young adult

nobody could get through

and then certain people did and so my

therapist was like

the therapist i mentioned was over the

long

over long run she got through to me but

there were people who could do it in an

instant

and they all had these particular things

in common

i saw them as an authority so whatever

for whatever reason they were

i put them in a position of authority

over me

so i gave them my power but they didn’t

act like it

they didn’t act like they were attached

to that power they didn’t need

they weren’t addicted themselves so they

didn’t need this status

that they didn’t need the power i gave

them so they were humble

so they weren’t playing the role because

if i see somebody

as powerful if i have that projection

they’re actually already an abuser

they’re a substitute abuser for me and

i’m going to do

what people do with people who are scary

i’m going to please them right like a

child so i’m going to

placate them but they don’t care about

that either they don’t want

me to uplift them they don’t need that

so then i’m like where there’s something

off here in this dynamic

is not working um but i can also tell

you that a lot of men

absolutely are you know when you start

to butter them up

they really love it they need it and

then that’s it

but then they’re done for me right i’m

done with them then

right but um those people that were not

attached to it they were not playing the

role of the abuser

then i would start to test them because

now

they are you know they’re safe right

they’ve now told me that they’re not the

scary person they’re safe

so i’m gonna like start poking yeah yeah

to see if it’s just a clever ruse on

their part they’re playing it

yes and this young part in me uh needs

needs love needs real love versus abuse

so she’s trying to to test this

like children do so now then i’ll be

testing

and then well then

there’s another whole bunch that would

leave you then right there you know

because then they judge you

and then there’s some people that didn’t

judge me so if i

if they were not judging me then and

it’s like completely confused

and this state of confusion

it’s in the power dynamics starting with

someone who i saw as an abuser

and it goes for everybody but in this

this specific power dynamic

like say two people they have

gone against my expectations several

times

and here i am i’m vulnerable just like

the moment before abuse happens there’s

vulnerability because you feel

something’s different but you don’t

quite know what

so there’s this moment and in that

moment

i could just be vulnerable and then that

would be it but if they said something

verbally that was an affirmation of me

that was something confirming that i’m

valid that i have valid as

validity as a human being that i’m good

they can just say

you’re a good person or um

something specific about me that’s

positive

then it would immediately throw me into

the healing into the grief actually it

would immediately

make it clear that i was projecting the

difference with the abuser before

the um that i

that the difference with what the abuser

had originally done versus what was

happening here

the unconditional love that i was

receiving now

the acceptance and that’s what moved me

away

gradually from this idea that the

abusers are all powerful and that i have

to adhere

to their rules completely which i guess

i never

completely did so finally you had some

models that

were powerful and yet would not take

advantage of that

you could allow yourself to be

vulnerable and then

that at that moment something resonated

if it’s a

if it’s a very high sort of idea or

emotion or feeling

it just resonates to say that’s real

that’s more real than this game that i

was

in before yes absolutely that’s the

model of unconditional love

and that’s the basis those four

conditions are the basis of the

unconditional

model which is a healing modality that

i’ve come up with in

in my years of the work that i’ve been

doing

but this was before these things

happened before i had any self-esteem

when i really needed the power and i

didn’t have any

way to navigate myself it was difficult

difficult to live because i didn’t

really want the power i wanted it but i

didn’t want it

so it was very difficult it’s very

difficult to

say no to the power and then feel all

the

feelings on the other side of it when

you look at someone who has power

you can just assume but on the other

side of that high that they’re getting

there that they’re that you may be

giving them

by putting them up there because this

new politician who is going to make a

change you know

whatever you’re doing there on the other

side of that is

their sense of humiliation their

insecurity about who they are

and that’s the darkness

is that the child’s fears that they’re

bad

and invariably with all the people in

power

all of them they have this other side

which is a hurt

little child that they cannot get in

touch with

because the shame is too great and their

protection

of their own power figures has been

too strong too they’re too afraid to

break out of it

they’re too un badly equipped

mentally emotionally to so it’s the weak

people that have power

and that perpetuate the system of power

abuse

right and that requires that a whole

segment of the population

is suffering right so that they can

feel that they deserve where they are

and whether it’s the prisoners people of

color

in this country women to a large degree

but then women are also into different

categories but they’re always

they always are i think most women are

aware that they don’t

have the privilege of men right um

through

all the harassment and the disrespect

that you get as a woman

so it’s all set up and in a way that

you’re supposed to climb and that

climbing means from poor to rich

and it means to move away from your

trauma

and your pain to the top where you can

in the role of the authority that was

abusive

to you when you were little so that you

can then pass it on onto everybody

that’s below you

yeah and in the process not have to

experience

it within yourself all to avoid that

yeah

it’s all to avoid that so this

outer war to a certain degree in the

state of the world

has a lot to do with each person not

just those

powerful persons who are the sickest

elements among us

that’s why they’re not among us they are

they are covering their sickness all the

time

psycho psychopathy is a an intelligent

psycho psychopath is maybe the most

dangerous person

on earth because you know there are

psychopaths

who have maybe 20 victims but the

psychopaths that are in charge of the

world they are creating you know

to hundreds of millions of victims

without blinking yeah

and there’s definitely that sickness and

the the reason that the world is in this

state is because

the brainwashing there’s so there’s

first there’s this

just hurt little child is hiding

underneath

the powerful person and the armor

is the power that’s around them so you

never get to the

child and they don’t either and then

there’s all these lies that have to be

put out to keep the lie in place that a

person of power

is actually that big authority that we

need to listen to because

if we don’t listen anymore if we don’t

give them that power if we

then there will be no nothing there it

will be gone

bring them that power so so that really

speaks to that kind of

leads us into this idea of how do we

heal the planet now in this time of

awakening how do we

what’s our role as individuals in that

process so what would you

if you can expand on that like for for

everybody that’s

that’s watching so my

role i guess has something to do with

the experiences that i went through

and were all about power i was always

looking at power

and the healing modality has to do with

looking at power dynamics

in order to

look at external power dynamics and how

we fit in there

and internal power dynamics that’s to

say

who do we still look up to as

our internal children that have been

traumatized that are still

looking for a savior still looking for

daddies to looking for mommy

and who do we look down to as

these aspects of ourselves that we have

yet to embrace

that we have the shame that we have been

shamed so we have

we have rejected those aspects of

ourselves we

cannot face that you know too much shame

um that’s who we judge

so i spent most of my adult life looking

down on extremely powerful men whereas

most people it’s a little bit different

right it’s like

if you’re more into the the

conventional power structure you would

look down on the poor

because they are not you know

but somebody who is completely in line

with the conventional power structure

uh whose inner and outer

chart of the power structure is

completely is the same

as the inner is the same as the outer

that would be a psychopath

that’s somebody who has who looks up to

people are in power and looks down at

people who are not

and just basing their own self-esteem

and sense of self and identification all

based on where they are at

in this power uh structure

uh external power structure so all their

value comes from without

and and and this network and the people

in this network

their big motivation is to rise up in

the structure and keep

yes getting higher and higher so that

they have more power to exert

and more of a group below them to

to oppress or they’re born into it and

but the those who are born into it

so at the bottom of this

is child abuse and so

the agenda is to sexualize and

pornography

you know the pornographication of

everything and sexualization of

everything

that the eventual goal of that is that

that child abuse would be

um accepted and you do your research i’m

sure you know that there’s a lot of

voices that are going in that direction

especially in belgium and holland which

is i think

i think that um we were sort of like a

test market

for the agenda oh yeah i think so

i think so it’s certainly a

concentration of those

those most you know these ideas that

directly come from the agenda that i

overheard

this um perpetrator speak about with

this friend

so with the like there’s so there’s an

attempt out there to sexualize

yes and normalize

normalize child sexual abuse so that

that is the the hurt child self

those children from the families are

also abused

they’re also being indoctrinated into

the system

through abuse and some of them

have also been trained like me

we’re also sent to these training

facilities which are not training it’s

just torture um

and used for special purposes and um

so i think that the

the way to humanize the most evil men

and women in the world um

is to say that to look

at the fact that privilege exists

and privilege acts as this external

um way to keep the system in place that

you you’re born into privilege then you

never even know that you’re attached to

but it’s at the expense of all these

people who don’t have that privilege

so that’s how it works and the more

privilege you have

you can be completely ignorant and think

that you’re just

you know a good person except that

that this your ignorance is causing all

this pain

with people who don’t have that

privilege um

and it’s just the awareness of it it’s

not well you’re you know there’s

something wrong for you for being born

no it’s just being aware of what you’re

receiving

just by being male is a really big one

but

white is another big one and um

you know this know what you’re receiving

for free

that you may have a set you may think

that you

you have a good self-esteem and wonder

why the woman

doesn’t for example you know and i can

tell you why she doesn’t

but that privilege is these layers

layers of the societal layers that

keep the structure in place that the

great equalizer is that the children

are all vulnerable so children are born

they may be born with privilege but they

don’t have any power

and as children all children are the

same

and they’re all vulnerable extremely

vulnerable they’re the most vulnerable

and so the system goes to the children

and perverts them

because someone who completely is

completely loyal to their

perpetrator their abuser that they loved

and children loved so

this my main perpetrator he was loving

his abuser

and that’s how he was being loyal by

abusing me

and doing everything that he did was in

loyalty to this

um their abuser so he was coming from a

five-year-old boy

place yeah they were modeling it for him

and then he was

going ahead and doing that as he was

doing that he was now

the exactly just no no healing in

between

and um there’s this loyalty to the

abuser

that is the crux of the paradigm is

loyally to the abuser

loyalty to the power is loyalty to the

abuser

and their own children are being abused

and i think that’s the way that we can

come back to some form of compassion

because the the deeds are so dark and

a lot of people have trouble even

um understanding how anybody could ever

do anything like that

and there’s a lot to talk about how

somebody can

gets to a point where they do that i

know i know how why they do it

how they do it and but but i can talk

about it all day but

let’s just say that most people hear

something like that and go

how could anybody i have a heart i’m a

human being how can

one human being do that to another human

being especially a child

yeah so we so we can say so right now

you can take a look at the world and

look at the power structure

and you can say that whole power

structure

is founded on child abuse the abuse of

the children within that power structure

as the foundation of their later

psychopathic behavior and desire

to rule and to

to have power over others in that way

absolutely so that’s what that’s what

we’re dealing with as opposed to

we’re dealing with isolated incidents of

this abuse and that abuse

it’s actually the foundation of the

system

and that’s one thing that we need to

come to grips with and

realize it actually is very enlightening

to come to that realization and then

from there try to piece together not

just the power structure but our

relationship

to it right in other words you were

talking about

you can tell something about a person if

there’s an alignment with

the the power right it means we’re all

somewhere on the scale yeah yeah

it means you know if you’re totally

aligned and you just flow into it

it means you’re psychopathic means

you’re looking up to people who have

external power but no internal power

right you look down to people who have

no external power but obviously they

have

power because they’re enduring the life

that they’ve had to enjoy the strength

that comes from that is not to be

um um ignored

yeah well that’s and and once we

so so from that side but it’s not valued

well it’s not valued yeah yes it’s not i

mean that’s why

we’re talking one of the reasons we’re

talking today is to bring value to it

and make people realize

people that have have suffered they’re

humble they’re good people

they they try to serve others

how much not just value to themselves to

their

friends but how much value bringing that

forth has in the healing of the world if

we all come together

and realize how we have the power we

have the power

yeah we do yeah so we so my

my model is about going inside

first not outside but first going inside

looking at our internal power structure

to break out of our own internal

prisons of power structures to heal

because once we do that the external

structure will fall away that was my

journey from being completely

you know caught in that power structure

to doing more and more internal work

and the more internal work i was doing

the less

the outer values matter to me

so that’s each one’s journey personal

journey

but on an awareness level

it’s to understand i think if if you

assume if you’re looking at a politician

assuming that

they there’s a hurt little child there

that is in need to prove

to how big they are even if they’re not

maybe boisterous because

you know with trump everybody you know

there’s this huge distraction with trump

that

uh it’s just such a great way to keep

the division going like

oh yeah fantastic you know what a great

idea i would have done the same thing if

i was

if i was a social engineer um

uh it’s like it seems like we’re going

backward because everybody all the

liberals are focusing on trump now

but um meanwhile everything’s happening

behind everybody’s back

and every all the the the the dark

agenda

is being furthered very well and not

because of trump but

because of um because of um

the agenda that trump is also

just a part of he’s not a he’s not a

he’s not like some people in the

community of uh

uh believe that he’s a like a white or

whatever white hat whatever he’s not

he’s not he is part of it he always was

and he’s no different he just doesn’t

quite belong

because he was the vulgar one right he’s

the one who

who’s not um who doesn’t play the game

in the smart way

he’s just too obvious but um

he’s easy an easy target and that’s why

you know look at look how easy he was

and um

just to serve as such a distraction and

everybody falling for it i’m really

stunned

that everybody has fallen for it to this

degree

um but i’m all even with low

expectations

i’m still a little bit stunned that it’s

worked that well

um and then i live in the united states

too so

there’s a lot of people that don’t have

the distance that people from outside

um have but

if you look at any person who needs

power

any person whether they’re on your

political team or the opposite political

team

whether they’re really smart

no like i read i i was looking something

hollywood a hollywood type thing and i

was reading

i was reading i was following the uh

asia argento story because i thought it

was very

um particular and

a good example in a way of power and she

was threatening you know she was coming

from this place of

revenge and threats and then you know

everything that’s happened since then

yeah and um

but i was just reading the the letter

that uh a letter that was put out in

that

in that context by a lawyer that letter

really very cleverly um

addressed the metoo movement and the

concerns of the metoo movement that if

you

are interested in me too you’re going

like yeah that’s right that’s exactly

right

i’m with you and then it would say

hollywood has always stood against the

abuse of children

and then that line stands out to me

because that’s what hollywood is all

about

except we haven’t accepted that quite

yet you know there was one that

was outed and then that story kind of

went away quickly he lost his job and

whatever but still

we’re not really talking about that

story we don’t really

want to believe yet that the media is

really just a tool

and that the bigger it’s always the same

thing

the bigger they are and the more

important you think they are

the more they’ve been compromised and

the more it means

that they are being um

controlled by the people that have the

dark agenda

and that have no good intentions for

anybody

so even the alternative media has been

co-opted and then it becomes like the

you know it’s the the opposite the

controlled opposition

it’s it’s uh it’s very it’s a very

well-oiled machine

and to break out of it we have to really

understand that it’s the system itself

that anybody who’s big and powerful that

you want to follow you got to look at

yourself and ask yourself why you want

to follow that person

why you want to trust cbs or whatever

that’s a great point i mean i wanted to

come back to this idea of

each individual’s healing journey

and how it relates to uh

how they relate to people that they

admire the authority and then how they

relate to people that

you know they might be projecting on to

or judging

or discriminating against and the

authority that’s also a projection

so that’s why that’s what uh power

addicts live on on those projections of

power so if you think that this

star for example you know any star is

that the greatest thing on earth you

know and

such a good minute you think that you’re

already projecting

and as much as you love this person that

you don’t know

you are still um placating

sending this energy out that

that’s why i was so prone to it because

when people a lot of people like you at

the same time

a lot of men think you’re desirable you

know you feel that you become

you look more beautiful i look more mute

i would look more beautiful if there’s

men desiring me around

i actually start to look more beautiful

i i feel it it’s pleasant it’s a

vibration it’s kind of like heroin

it feels like like that it feels like a

heron height

so it’s not to be dismissed the energy

that we send

but then we have to say when we do that

when we send that energy we’re already

projecting this is already a stand-in

for some authority figure from our past

who was hypocritical in a sense that

they were hurting us but they needed us

to to make them good and so we’re

already doing that as soon as you

have an an admiration for someone

that um

you just put them up yeah you put them

up on a pedestal

so there’s always that inequality that’s

created

and so then it became rather than

relating to someone as a fellow human

being

right where there’s that neutral as an

equal equality

yeah right and you feel like you know

let’s do stuff together and

there’s this projection to to above

and then there’s it’s would you call it

projection below as well yeah yeah yeah

there has to be if there’s above so

below

yeah okay so what

what can we uh you know from your own

experience

what can we suggest to people to i guess

for their own healing

journey pay attention to in terms of

this power structure is it

is it really all about coming to the

realization that

when you’re really in balance you

everything’s at the level with everyone

else

and there’s no judgment on this side

there’s no

kind of adulation on this side it kind

of becomes

but that comes after the work right

after the work well i like to think of

the

maybe the as a model maybe the

matrilineal

um native tribes where um there’s a true

egalitarian concept that everyone is

honored as a human being

and of course we honor the earth we

honor the earth as a

as um as a very big but very sensitive

mother

figure and um the connection to the

earth

and the female strength

like females have been enduring for

thousands of years