A Story of Slavery, Escape, and Movement Toward Freedom

Sunlight is a survivor of child slavery and other abuse, her website is here – Sunlight https://sunlightlives.com/ [3]

Survivors courage and strength never ceases to amaze me.

I will let her tell some of her story…

Before I was born, a deeply damaged man who had incredible access to money, technology, and human slaves, commissioned my creation.

I was to be a slave to him—and to whomever he would choose to sell me. He was to feel the power of being a slave owner.

But what is that power, and what is its source?

Sometimes I wonder if knowing that I was commissioned—that I was trained to be highly competent, successful, and reliable—is supposed to make me feel special. But I am only able to entertain this possibility because I cannot yet feel how wrong my former owner’s crime against me was. I do not yet have a felt sense of how deeply evil the violation of my entire life has been.

It is special to be wanted, as a person. It is not special to be wanted, as a machine, or a computer program, or a receptacle for hundreds of sick adults’ shame and rage and violence. I have spent my entire life feeling disposable, yet utterly filled, and responsible for everything.

And, perhaps I should replace the concept of feeling special with the concept of feeling loved. Instead of feeling loved, I was made to alternate between feeling useful, and feeling completely useless. The game he played, of pushing me back and forth, was so quick and so severe that I hardly had time to question who I felt myself to be, and what my worth might be. I was too young, and too absorbent, and I took in all of the identities that he pushed onto me, which had to be constantly changing. I could never be allowed to rest. To identify fully with anything. I could not be allowed to pause long enough to see myself as any type of human. I could not see myself as human at all.

Slaves are not human. That is what I was constantly told. Now I am trying to survive, as an adult former slave, in a world of humans. My slave identity is not recognizable by my physical features, or how I dress, or even how I act, unless one is as incredibly perceptive as a former child slave can be. We were forced to be so utterly perceptive, so attuned to the abusive adults around us, and now I find myself surrounded by adults who, though they may be kinder and less violent, are also often less perceptive, and this can feel so shocking that sometimes I internalize it as even more abusive. I know that if my back is being beaten by a chain, someone can see me, and my body will reflect the beating back to me by its contusions. But if I go to work and appear normal, all the while hearing the screams of thousands of children in my mind, I will not be seen at all. I will be an invisible worker who is ignored, or is blanketly told that I am not working hard enough.

Sunlight tells more of her story here… Sunlight – What is Power? [4]

One of the best ways of expressing your own feelings as well as helping others understand them is by pictures. These are some of Sunlights systems artwork. For Sunlight Artwork page see below and here https://sunlightlives.com/artwork/ [1]

Paintings

These two paintings were created by two different inner children in our system. The painting on the left shows us with an owner, and the painting on the right shows us with a kind father.

The girl who drew the painting on the left wants to say that she used to believe that she likes pink, and now she is attempting to see the rest of the world, before deciding on her favorite color. She also wants to say that the duck and the heart were drawn for our children. The boy who drew the painting on the right wants to say that he misses this moment very much, and it’s hard to believe that it’s gone, or that it ever even happened at all. He wants to add that he did not have much time to complete this painting (we had an opportunity to make two paintings, but he had to go second and ran out of time), so he feels worried that it looks sloppy, and doesn’t show enough of his love.

After painting both, we noticed some differences. The figures in the left painting are much larger than the figures in the right painting. (The canvases are the same size.) The cold and desolate life of being owned was indeed the primary motif of our past. Perhaps the future will be more like the brief moments of love that we depicted on the warm, sunny beach.

We also noticed a distance between the girl and her owner, whereas the boy and his kind father are close, and are positioned to the side, inviting so many fun activities into their warm day. If only we had not been losing so much energy—even in small miracle moments such as this one—with the constant looming fear of death, torture, and the pain of others. We could never relax. Once in a while there were moments who tried to teach us.


Inner Children’s Drawings

These are some drawings done by various inner children in our system. While we do not use our names on this platform, we want you to know that we each have different names, ages, and ways of being in the world, both in the external world, and in our internal world. Some of us feel strong, some feel confident, some feel timid, some feel confused, some feel guilty or shameful, some feel tired and sad, and some feel tormented.

We do not like being treated as though we are one individual. We appreciate it whenever anyone is present for who we are in any given moment, with no expectations of consistency, just as we do our best to remember that all beings change from moment to moment. If you were to get to know us, you would notice different facial expressions, vastly different voices, different senses of humor, different fears, and different levels of familiarity. It would feel much like getting to know different beings at different times, with many surprising moments in between.

All inner children—we hope that you find moments of free expression and free creativity as well, and that you get love-filled opportunities to share your expression with others.


Digital Artwork

This is some digital artwork that was done using photos that I took while visiting an area where I had been trafficked and enslaved.

It took me nearly three decades to free myself from total enslavement in the international network in which I was bred and born. Since then, it has been very challenging to adjust to the markedly different customs of this society, while feeling alone, and while feeling invisible at the most fundamental levels of my being.

The first two art pieces below were created in the middle of a sleepless night. They are meant to reflect a state of profound isolation, having left my entire life behind in order to try to become free. The life that I had to leave included family, friends, partners, children, animals, and plants. It was also a challenging and complex experience to leave the abusers to whom I was trauma-bonded, and toward whom I felt some some form of Stockholm-Syndrome-level responsibility and care.

The third piece links the feeling of being interpersonally impenetrable with my earliest years of organized abuse within a cold and violent institution.

The fourth piece reflects the relationships within my internal world among spirit, life and physical matter, AI, and cruelty. When i was very young, certain symbols were on the wallpaper of the room in which I slept, and this is partially depicted by this piece.

The fifth piece is a depiction of an actual location in my system’s internal world. It has taken a long time to dismantle it. If you would like to, you can try to imagine what types of staged abuse scenarios and tortures a child must undergo, in order to have a terrifying inner playground installed into an internal world. Insiders also wish to add, We did not choose the rainbow coloring of the letters—they did.

The sixth piece depicts a “NO” to rape, torture, enslavement, and intentionally inflicted trauma of any kind.



For Sunlight’s Artwork page see here https://sunlightlives.com/artwork/ [1]

Some other survivors who I have blogged their artwork are Fiona Barnett, Kathleen Sullivan and Kim Noble…

Fiona Barnett – Hang on for the Ride [5]

Kathleen Sullivan Mind Controlled Slave [6]

Kim Noble No Ordinary Artist [7]

This might be worth checking out Discussing Dissociation Dissociative Artwork [8] let me know what people think of it, as I have just come across it

Sunlight has also provided a list of resources which she has found useful and that others might… These are also provided below, but see her page for new additions – Sunlight Resources https://sunlightlives.com/resources/ [2]

Resources

Below is a list of resources for trauma survivors, as well as for the general public, especially for anyone who has a desire to become informed about organized abuse and slavery, which is occurring in many places in our world.

I have used many of these resources in my healing process. Some of them require purchasing. I know that many survivors do not necessarily have the financial resources that they need and deserve, so I hope that you will find something below that can serve you and that can be made available to you.

If you would like to suggest any additional resources to share here, please feel free to do so by contacting me. [See Sunlights contact page]

Resources for Extreme Abuse

Becoming Yourself, by Alison Miller
This is a book written for survivors of trauma-based mind control, ritual abuse, and extreme abuse. This book is written with sensitivity to the reader, and is mindful of survivors’ triggers and programming. The author covers a wide range of topics, including working with trauma memories, as well as spiritual abuse.

Healing the Unimaginable, by Alison Miller
This is a book written for therapists whose clients are survivors of trauma-based mind control, ritual abuse, and extreme abuse. This is a thorough introduction and overview for working with a client who has experienced organized abuse and formal programming.

From the Trenches, by Wendy Hoffman and Alison Miller
This is a book of essays written by trauma-based mind control survivor Wendy Hoffman, and her therapist Alison Miller. The subject matter covered is generally more intense than in the book Becoming Yourself, but this can be very helpful for deeper layers of recovery work.

Ellen Lacter – Website
This is the website of Ellen Lacter, a psychologist who has worked extensively with survivors of mind control and extreme abuse. The site contains resources, references, and articles, including articles about indicators of abuse. Ellen Lacter has also created a Coloring Book of Healing Images, for adult survivors.

Trish Fotheringham – A Survivor Speaks Out
This is an interview of Trish Fotheringham, a survivor of ritual abuse and trauma-based mind control. In an interview of almost three hours with Dr. Ellen Lacter, Trish Fotheringham inspires hope and courage for extreme abuse survivors. She gives direction and guidance for the healing journey, not only to survivors but also to the people who help them, including psychotherapists, clergy, and loved ones.

RA Info
This is a website containing information about ritual abuse and trauma-based mind control. This website has clear and thorough definitions and explanations of important terms, as well as many articles and other resources. There are also links to websites of other extreme abuse survivors, including the writing of Jean Riseman.

Understanding Trauma and Dissociation, by Lynn Mary Karjala
This book features a recovery tool called “The Quintessential Safe Place,” which allows a survivor to install a Safe Place in their internal world. For mind control survivors, the Safe Place can be an essential tool for deprogramming. This book also covers working with inner children and various types of personalities that were created through trauma.

Safe Passage to Healing, by Chrystine Oksana
This book is written for survivors of extreme abuse, and it takes a gentle and gradual approach in describing the nature of abuse, the effects on survivors, and the process of healing and working with memories. The author writes with compassion, and with safety in mind for the survivor.

Qualities and Information Useful for a Therapist and a Client Working with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID)
This is an article taken from an interview with Brian Moss, describing key qualities and information that are beneficial to the working relationship of a survivor and therapist.

Survivor Poem: Reasons Not to Kill Yourself
I am unable to find a working weblink to this poem. If anyone can find one and send it to me, I would appreciate it. This poem, by Mari Collings, is written for suffering survivors. It is a list of reasons to continue to live. Trigger Warning: This poem is intended to give hope to those who are suicidal. As always, please be mindful of your triggers and programming if you choose to read this poem.


Resources for Dissociation and DID

Coping with Trauma-Related Dissociation, by S. Boon, K. Steele, O. van der Hart
This is a comprehensive book about dissociation. It is descriptive of DID, OSDD, and Complex PTSD. It includes exercises, and guidance around topics of safety, emotional regulation, and trauma processing. It can also be used in therapy or in structured group

Carolyn Spring – Website
This is a website with a variety of articles and other resources about dissociation, DID, trauma, and abuse.

Multiplicity and Me
This is the YouTube page of a trauma survivor who has DID. Their mission is to educate and inform others about DID, and to end the stigma of DID and mental health. Different alters in their system host different videos, and they have several short documentary features as wellincluding a simulation of their internal world.

System Speak
This is a podcast hosted by a trauma survivor with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). Topics include DID, dissociation, trauma, and mental health. The podcast documents the system’s healing journey, and includes interviews with many wonderful guest speakers. This website also contains a blog.

MI Healthy Mind: Dissociative Identity Disorder – An Interview
This is an interview of a person living with Dissociative Identity Disorder. She discusses her experiences of discovering that she has DID, living with this condition, working with her therapist, and her own work as a therapist.

Internal Family Systems
This is a model of psychotherapy created by Dr. Richard Schwartz. IFS operates from the viewpoint that every mind is naturally multiple, and all inner parts contain valuable and unique qualities that can be accepted, loved, and shared with the whole of self. Parts work can be done with a practitioner, or independently. There are many resources available online, including videos.

ISSTD: International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation
The ISSTD is an international, non-profit professional association intending to promote effective resources and responses to trauma and dissociation. This site can also be used to search for ISSTD therapists


Resources for Inner Children

Dear Little Ones, by Jade Miller
This is a book written for inner children, in language that children can understand. It helps inner children to make sense of their inner world and their outer world. It is written in a kind and soothing tone. A video version of the book is available online. There are two other books in the series: Helping Your Inner Child Heal from Family Conflict, and Talking to Your Inner Children About Wholeness.

Guided Meditations for Children
Guided meditations for children can be found online. There are many to choose from, so an inner adult might be able to help pick a suitable and non-triggering one. Meditations for deep breathing, body awareness, and inner safety can be very healing on multiple levels.

InnerActive Cards
This is a collection of interactive cards that are all illustrated to represent a variety of parts of a personality. These cards can be used in inner child communication and parts work, and they can be used alone, with others, or in therapy. They can be beneficial to both multiples and singletons.

HiHo Kids
This is a collection of videos in which children get to interview lots of different people, try new things, describe things in their own ways, debate grown-ups, and more. This is a great way for inner children to be introduced to regular society, and to lots of types of children and grown-ups. It can feel very soothing and helpful, even fun. It is also normal for traumatized inner children to feel envy toward children who were given greater safety and nurture. These feelings are more than okay to express.

Soothing Music
There is plenty of soothing, instrumental music available online. There are piano songs, guitar songs, and more.

Basithathela Abazali Bethu
This is a song sung by children to express their feelings about violence against women and children and the destruction of their families and communities. The title roughly translates to “They Took Our Parents Away.” Here is another version.


Resources for Trauma

Trauma and Recovery, by Judith Herman
This is the one of the most well known books about trauma and the recovery process. It is helpful for both survivors and practitioners.

Not the Price of Admission, by Laura Brown
This author discusses the dynamics under which a child who is being abused must pay high prices to simply be in relationship with others. This book describes the emotional and neurobiological causes of many difficult relationship patterns, how to trust oneself, how to assess others more accurately, and how to take care of oneself emotionally, in order to experience healthy relationships as an adult in recovery.

Man’s Search for Meaning, by Viktor Frankl
This memoir is an account of severe, prolonged suffering, with a deep reflection into how a person’s outlook shapes their experience of their suffering. This book can be helpful for anyone questioning the purpose of the suffering they have undergone.

TRE: Tension and Trauma Releasing Exercises
TRE is a physical process that helps to release stress and trauma that is held in the physical body, by inducing the body’s natural ability to tremor. There are many free resources available online. This work can also be done with a practitioner.

Trauma-Informed Yoga
Trauma-informed yoga helps trauma survivors to reconnect with their bodies safely and at their own paces, to be mindful of triggers, and to deepen their connections to themselves in a setting that feels compassionate, non-judgmental, and inviting rather than commanding. Trauma-informed yoga, deep breathing, as well as extended body scans (such as through yoga nidra), can help regulate the nervous system and help the body better release stored trauma and stress.

Ortho-Bionomy
This is a body-based therapy that helps to heal physical injuries, as well as restore balance, by utilizing the body’s natural healing ability. This work is often done with a practitioner, but some resources can be found online.

This list is a compilation of resources that have helped me in my recovery, and it is offered in the spirit of sharing tools, and it is in no way an endorsement or suggestion. I do not own the rights to any of the resources above.

See her page for new additions – Sunlight Resources https://sunlightlives.com/resources/ [2]

Copyright © SunlightLives 2020 All Rights Reserved

Sunlight’s webpage is here, she has kindly allowed me to blog her work, so please visit her apge to see more… https://sunlightlives.com/ [3]

Links

[1] Sunlight Artwork https://sunlightlives.com/artwork/

[2] Sunlight Resources https://sunlightlives.com/resources/

[3] Sunlight https://sunlightlives.com/

[4] Sunlight – What is Power? https://sunlightlives.com/2020/04/23/what-is-power/

[5] 2015 Nov 30 cathyfoxblog Fiona Barnett – Hang on for the Ride https://cathyfox.wordpress.com/2015/11/30/my-story-fiona-barnett-hang-on-for-the-ride/

[6] 2017 Apr 22 cathyfoxblog Kathleen Sullivan Mind Controlled Slave https://cathyfox.wordpress.com/2017/04/22/kathleen-sullivan-mind-controlled-slave/

[7] 2020 Jan 13 cathyfoxblog Kim Noble No Ordinary Artist https://cathyfox.wordpress.com/2020/01/13/kim-noble-no-ordinary-artist/

[8] 2021 Sept Discussing Dissociation Dissociative Artwork https://www.discussingdissociation.com/2021/09/dissociative-artwork-have-you-any-to-share-at-the-p4%C2%B2-did-conference-2021/

Full resources that also may be useful, see the end of this post but they need updating, which I hope to get round to soon… https://cathyfox.wordpress.com/2021/06/23/devi-sridhar-and-covid-narrative-warfare/

About cathy fox blog on Child Abuse

the truth will out, the truth will shout, the truth will set us free...
This entry was posted in #CSASurvivorsStories, #OpDeathEaters, cathyfoxblog, Child Abuse, Child sexual abuse, Child trafficking, Controlling Prostitution, Mind Control MKultra, monarch mind control, Ritual abuse and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to A Story of Slavery, Escape, and Movement Toward Freedom

  1. berilouise says:

    Aspects remind me of how you might have felt/feel as a person. ❤💜❤

    On Sun, Oct 3, 2021, 12:48 PM cathy fox blog on child abuse wrote:

    > cathy fox blog on Child Abuse posted: ” Sunlight is a suvivor of child > slavery and other abuse, her webiste is here Sunlight > https://sunlightlives.com/ [3] I will let her tell some of her story… > Before I was born, a deeply damaged man who had incredible access to money, > technology, a” >

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